Where's Dumbo?

In today’s Seattle Post-Intelligencer, a former teenage Republican wonders What happened to real Republicans?

It’s a damn good question (and a fine piece), which reminded me of a post from Kung Fu Monkey’s John Rogers from back in December called I Miss Republicans:

No, seriously. Remember Republicans? Sober men in suits, pipes, who'd nod thoughtfully over their latest tract on market-driven fiscal conservatism while grinding out the numbers on rocket science. Remember those serious-looking 1950's-1960's science guys in the movies -- Republican to a one.

They were the grown-ups. They were the realists. Sure they were a bummer, maaaaan, but on the way to La Revolution you need somebody to remember where you parked the car…

How did they become the party of fairy dust and make believe? How did they become the anti-science guys? The anti-fact guys? The anti-logic guys?

When I originally excerpted John’s post, I wrote about my frustration with GOP voters and their continued allegiance to an administration whose policies seem counterintuitive to every Republican principle as I understand them:

I'm not sure why it seems to be only people on the Left screaming bloody murder about how the Republican Party has been hijacked by total fuckwits. It’s akin to the moderate Christians I know who seem relatively unfazed by the radical element that, if left unchecked, will forever define American Christianity as a religion of intolerant zealots. No one on the Right appears moved to try to prevent this steady slide into political and religious extremism.

I was disgusted by some traditional Republicans I know who held their nose and voted for Bush, simply because they wouldn't vote for a Democrat. No matter how much you pointed out to them that - as bizarre as it may have seemed - the party of fiscal responsibility, smaller government, states' rights, and conservation (particularly environmental) was, this time, the Democrats, they still cast a vote for Bush.

Their party is slipping (has permanently slipped?) away from them, but they say nothing, do nothing. When America has fallen into the inevitable morass that is its unavoidable destination with Bush at our helm, I won't blame the Democratic voters, and I won't even blame the wingnuts on the Right, who at least voted as they believe, foolish as it is. I will blame the large swath of traditional Republicans who refused to acknowledge that their party had left them, and made no noise about its failed leadership, choosing instead to keep handing new strings to Nero for his fiddle.

So where the hell are you, real Republicans? Are you holding your breath and biding your time, hoping we can just get through this until one of your own gets passed the baton? Despite there being no heir-apparent to this administration’s throne, it’s increasingly unlikely that it’s going to be one of your boys (or girls). I hear names like John McCain and Richard Lugar less and less frequently, replaced instead with names like Bill “Cat Killer” Frist (boo) and Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum (hiss).

Maybe you’re thinking that your party needs a good sound trouncing to get back on track, and maybe it really does. But when the time comes, don’t be an ass; vote for the donkey until that elephant stops dropping its massive piles on shit on everyone’s lawn.