A Note to the Guys

If you’ve been considering the best way to get semen from your penis into a woman’s mouth (and I know you have been!), I’ve got some important information for you.

Don’t even think about engaging in consensual oral sex, especially if you might have reason to lie about it later. They impeached a president for that—I can only imagine what they’d do to you.

Instead, try filling a syringe with your jizz, then injecting it into women’s mouths. Even if you get caught and lie about it, you’ll only get probation.

In testimony before the board, [former dentist John Hall] denied the allegations.

"I have never injected semen in any patient's mouth," he said. "I never would. I've got a 10-year-old daughter. That whole concept is so beyond me."

Police searched Hall's office and confiscated syringes after several employees said they were suspicious of the dentist's behavior. DNA tests on the syringes later showed they contained Hall's semen.

[…]

[Superior Court Judge Robert Ervin] placed Hall, 44, on probation for five years, telling the alleged victims he chose that over a maximum 120-day prison sentence in the hope that Hall's activities would be monitored and similar acts prevented.

So, like I said…syringes are definitely the way to go. Just looking out for ya, guys.

Now, as for us girls, it seems pretty crappy that having a dude squirt his manjuice into our mouths against our will is considered a misdemeanor, especially considering that the junk can carry disease, not to mention the psychological trauma of such an event, and it seems even crappier that the best they can do to punish someone charged with seven counts of “misdemeanor assault on a female” is 120 days of jail or a 5-year probation. But, you know, that’s what the law says, and who are we to question the wisdom of the judiciary, right? The only solution I can think of is to stop going to the dentist. Maybe if our teeth spoil and rot and fall out of our heads, then there won’t be anyone wanting to squirt semen in our mouths uninvited.