- - - -
ALTHOUGH
I LIKE A GOOD
GEORGE W. BUSH JOKE
AS MUCH AS THE NEXT
GUY, SOME OF THEM
SEEM GRATUITOUS AND
MEAN-SPIRITED.
BY MATT ALEXANDER
- - - -
Q: How many telemarketers does
it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wouldn't a more relevant
question be "How many pounds
of cocaine has Bush snorted?"
- - - -
A doctor, a lawyer, and an accountant
all die and go to heaven on the same
day. When they get to the Pearly Gates,
they are greeted by St. Peter.
St. Peter says, "Scott McClellan is a
lying sack of shit and I'd tell him
so myself if he weren't going straight
to hell when he dies."
- - - -
Q: What do you get when you
cross an elephant and a rhino?
A: I'm not sure, but if the answer
is "A cure for Parkinson's disease,"
then Bush will try to stop scientists
from breeding them. Because he
likes it when people get Parkinson's.
- - - -
This guy walks into a bar carrying
a small poodle in one hand and a
bowling ball in the other. The guy
says, "I'd like a glass of milk for me
and a whiskey for my poodle." The
bartender says, "Yeah? Well, I'd like
an impartial and independent
judiciary, but try telling that to Bush,
Frist, and the rest of the GOP!"
- - - -
Q: What do you get when you
cross a giraffe and a monkey?
A: I'm sorry, I can't think about
that right now because I'm too
busy wondering why Congress
hasn't launched an official
investigation into Bush lying to
the American public about WMDs
and leading us into a war under
false pretenses. Tell you what—as
soon as I solve that little riddle,
I'll get to work on your little
genetic experiment.
- - - -
Q: How many eggs does it
take to make a good omelet?
A: Three. By the way, Tom DeLay
is a hypocrite of the highest order.
- - - -
Did you hear that Bill Clinton hired
a new intern? It turns out that
his old intern had to go home and
spend time with her family after her
brother was killed in Iraq.
- - - -
Q: How many golf players does
it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The answer may be locked away
in the minutes of Cheney's secret
energy meetings. However, conventional
wisdom says that the meetings were
probably about finding a Cabinet-level
position for a pre-scandal Ken Lay or
about doing business with the Taliban.
- - - -
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Under the Patriot Act,
we don't have to tell you that.
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