Choice

AMERICAblog’s Michael in New York has an interesting and lengthy post examining an article in the Boston Globe about why people are gay. Honestly, I just don’t even understand why this discussion needs to continue, unless it’s just out of a general curiosity (which it never is). I don’t give a crap why my friends choose to love / fuck / marry one person over another (as long as it’s not an unhealthy relationship). Most people don’t care whether their friend Jane dates Joe or John, as long as she’s happy, so why are we supposed to care in some special, concerned way if she dates—gasp!—Jill? We trust people to look at an entire planet of other people and choose the person who’s best for them, and plenty of us will concede that Person X and Person Y are soul mates, even though neither of their souls has ever ventured outside of Bumblefuck, Nebraska. So choosing that perfect person out of six billion is a choice we assume most people are wise enough to make without judgment or interference, but if they have the audacity to claim they made a choice between two sexes, well, hold the phone, Helen—that’s just absurd!

I don’t care if my friends choose not to procreate, and I don’t care how often they have sex, in what position, whether they have threesomes, whether they’re kinky, whether they’re celibate, who instigates, or anything else. I mean, sure, I want details—heh heh—but those things don’t define them in a way upon which their very right to equality is dependent. You know, even if you really do prefer Joe to John, would you support taking away Jane’s rights if she went for John instead? Of course not. So why would you if she picks Jill? There’s no logic behind it; it’s just a reaction to society’s angst about homosexuality. Frankly, if Jane chooses to have sex with a dude who can’t do better by her than a two-minute missionary once a month without finishing her off, or chooses to have sex with a girl who wears a fire engine red strap-on, it doesn’t matter to me either way.

I recognize that most gay people feel being gay isn’t a choice, but I know enough who feel it was that it irritates me that the suggestion “choosing to be gay is a valid choice” is still so controversial. And I hate it when I hear my gay friends have to defensively (and reflexively) say to homophobes, “I didn’t choose to be this way.” As if it’s something that they’re stuck with, their cross to bear. Well, fuck that. I’d much prefer to hear, “My sexual and relationship choices are just as valid as yours, asshole.”

Because that’s the truth.