Everybody Wang Chung Tonight

Okay, seriously—what the fuck is wrong with the Bush family?

After more than an hour of solemn ceremony naming Rep. Marco Rubio, R-West Miami, as the 2007-08 House speaker, Gov. Jeb Bush stepped to the podium in the House chamber last week and told a short story about "unleashing Chang," his "mystical warrior" friend.

Here are Bush's words, spoken before hundreds of lawmakers and politicians:

''Chang is a mystical warrior. Chang is somebody who believes in conservative principles, believes in entrepreneurial capitalism, believes in moral values that underpin a free society.

''I rely on Chang with great regularity in my public life. He has been by my side and sometimes I let him down. But Chang, this mystical warrior, has never let me down.''

Bush then unsheathed a golden sword and gave it to Rubio as a gift.

''I'm going to bestow to you the sword of a great conservative warrior,'' he said, as the crowd roared.

(Hat tip to Elise.)

Apparently, the whole “Chang” business started with Daddy Bush and references a legendary Chinese warrior who settled political disputes in ancient China (where I wasn't aware that entrepreneurial capitalism existed, but hey—you learn something new every day). The Bush boys have appropriated the term for their own personal usages: Jeb “unleashes Chang” as a regular part of his rhetoric when faced with a stalemate, indicating his belief in the need to “stop arguing and start agreeing,” and Dubya threatens to “unleash Chang” to intimidate people who suffer the ill fate of playing a game of tennis against him. Whatever. They’re totally one of those families that thinks they’re hilarious and cool and have no idea how stupid they are. They’re the Dynamites with oil holdings.

From the same news item, Jeb, whose idiot sprog was just busted for public intoxication and resisting arrest, addressed his concerns about underage drinking. After noting that, in keeping with the Bushes’ market-is-God paradigm, he will continue to allow out-of-state wineries to sell their goods in Florida, he added: ''I think we ought to let freedom ring.''

Which reminded me of another Condi-related note-passing incident that involved Jeb’s drunken moron of a brother’s scrawlings, but had nothing to do with the preznit’s need for a slash and instead referenced the “transfer of power in Iraq” that allegedly happened in June 2004:

"Mr. President, Iraq is sovereign," read a note handed to him as he sat listening to a speaker. "Letter was passed from Bremer at 10:26 a.m. Iraq time." The note, from national security adviser Condoleezza Rice, was signed "Condi."

Bush scrolled on the note, "Let Freedom Reign!"

“No” is the answer to the question Could I have any more contempt for that family?