Gorgeous George

Even if you’ve dreamt about money, you’ve probably never dreamt about any of the guys on money, especially not the amazing but decidedly unstudly George Washington, a man who, if the renderings of him available to us are any indication, would only truly appeal to those with a fetish for wigged grumpsters in fancy shortpants. But the original George W.’s is getting a bit of a makeover, thanks to Jeffrey Schwartz, a physical anthropologist at the University of Pittsburgh, who has figured out what Washington would have looked like at 19 and developed a rendering upon which a life-size figure with auburn hair and gray-blue eyes will be based for display at Mount Vernon.


“I may be a founding father, but you can call me Daddy.”

The folks at Mount Vernon are hoping the new George will help Americans see him as he was before he was famous, before Gilbert Stuart painted him, back when he was an "adventurous, athletic, risk-taking, courageous kind of action hero," says Jim Rees, the estate's executive director. Washington was extremely tall for his time (just over 6 feet 2), had a regal bearing and "larger than average hands and feet."

Yowza—you know what that means! Sounds to me like he had more than just a mouth full of wood.

(Actually, in all seriousness, I found the process Schwartz used to backwards age Washington really fascinating, because I’m a nerd about that stuff, which was my intent in recommending the article, but I kind of need some silliness today.)