Dr. Dobson is a Very Knowledgeable Man

Tim Grieve wants to know what Dr. James Dobson, patriarch of Focus on the Family and professional wingnut, knows that we don’t.

While other leaders of the religious right are reacting cautiously to the nomination of Harriet Miers, Dobson says he's all in. Karl Rove lobbied for the support of the Focus on the Family leader even before Miers' name was announced, and his efforts paid off: On his radio show, Dobson is telling listeners that they should get behind Miers now.

What makes Dobson so comfortable with Bush's nominee? He won't say, exactly. "Some of what I know I am not at liberty to talk about," Dobson tells the New York Times.

[…]

Colorado Sen. Ken Salazar, who has had his spats with Focus on the Family before, says that if Dobson knows some secret about Miers, he should share it with the rest of the class -- especially if he heard the secret straight from the White House. "It seems to me, all of the [information] the White House knows about Harriet Miers should be made available to the Senate and the American people," Salazar says. "If they're making information available to Dr. Dobson -- whom I respect and disagree with from time to time -- I believe that information should be shared equally with a U.S. senator."

Now, I never thought I’d find myself in the position of defending the good Dr. Dobson, but the truth is, he is a very knowledgeable man, so I think we ought to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. As proof of just how wise he is, I’d like to share with you some things I’ve learned from his famous book on child-rearing, Dare to Discipline, a copy of which my mother recently gave me off her very own bookshelf. (That’s right—my mother read Dr. Dobson’s handbook on child-rearing, and if I’m not all the proof you need at how successful his recommendations are, then I don’t know what ever could convince you.)

Today, I’m going to share with you some things I learned from Dr. Dobson’s “Glossary of Narcotic Slang,” which provides parents with a handy guide from a knowledgeable source on drugs, the doctor himself. Now, this isn’t the whole list, mind you, because I want you to go out and buy the whole book, but hopefully this will give you an idea of how clever Dr. Dobson is and make you better able to trust his judgment on the estimable Ms. Miers.

Acid Heads—Users of LSD

(Actually, I knew that one before I read Dr. Dobson’s helpful glossary, since I used to be one, but I thought I’d throw it in, for those of you who didn’t know.)

Boxed—To be in jail.

Bread—Money.

“C”—Cocaine.

Dealer—Drug supplier.

Establishment—Organized society as we know it today.

Fink—Informer.

Gay—Homosexual.

(See—now I didn’t even know that was “Narcotics Slang.” Where would I be without Dr. Dobson’s help?)

Goof Balls—Barbiturates.

“H”—Heroin.

Heat—Police.

I’m flush—I have money.

I’m holding—I have narcotics, can make a deal.

I’m looking—I wish to buy.

Kick—Abandon drug habit.

Nickel bag—$5 purchase of narcotics.

Rat—Informer.

Turning tricks—Prostituting.

Wasn’t that helpful? Now you see how knowledgeable Dr. Dobson is, and why we ought to trust him, don’t you?

Next time from Dare to Discipline: A Moment for Mom.