GOP Congressman Busted; Weeps and Begs for Forgiveness

I think I’m just going to save that headline and re-use it the once-a-month or so that it’s required.

Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham pleaded guilty Monday to conspiracy and tax charges and tearfully resigned from office, admitting he took $2.4 million in bribes to steer defense contracts to conspirators.

Uh-oh! Somebody call the wahhhhhhhhhmbulance for the newest Republican dickwit to shed some tears after getting busted for being a soulless criminal.

Cunningham, 63, entered pleas in U.S. District Court to charges of conspiracy to commit bribery, mail fraud and wire fraud, and tax evasion for underreporting his income in 2004.

Cunningham answered "yes, Your Honor" when asked by U.S. District Judge Larry Burns if he had accepted bribes from someone in exchange for his performance of official duties.

Later, at a news conference, he wiped away tears as he announced his resignation.

"I can't undo what I have done but I can atone," he said.

Ahhh, atonement. The magical gift from the conservatives’ warmongering, homo-hating Jeebus*, washing away all manner of sin. Infidelity, embezzlement, drunk driving, gambling, draft-dodging, lying…I’m sure being reborn free and clear of any scarlet letters (no B for bribery, WF for wire fraud, TE for tax evasion, or MF for, ahem, mail fraud) is no problem with Jeebus on your side.

Cunningham's pleas came amid a series of GOP scandals. Rep. Tom DeLay of Texas had to step down as majority leader after he was indicted in a campaign finance case; a stock sale by Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist is being looked at by regulators; and Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff was indicted in the CIA leak case.

GOP: 4. Moral Values: 0.

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* Not to be confused with the peaceful philosopher and anti-poverty advocate known as Jesus.