Important News Items

From an earlier IM conversation with Mr. Furious:

Shakes: Tell me how dire our media is when this is a news story.

Mr. Furious: Gimme a break! Who gives a fuck?

Shakes: Do you like their list of “cool” phrases?

Mr. Furious: That’s like on Yahoo, you’ll see stuff like "Terrorist Escapes" … "Another Hurricane?" … "Cheney Murders Puppies" — and then ... "Tom Cruise Excited About Pregnancy."

Shakes: So annoying.

Mr. Furious: “Angelina Jolie adopts new baby" ... "Armageddon near?"

Shakes: "Colin Farrell has sex!" "Russell Crowe throws things!"

Mr. Furious: "Is global warming bad? Take our poll."

Shakes: “Did dinosaurs go to church? Some scientists say yes; others disagree."

Mr. Furious: "Jesus invented Post-Its, intelligent design experts say."

Shakes: "GOP proposes amendment declaring earth flat. Dems divided."

Mr. Furious: “Terry Schiavo's parents claim to hear her move - file one last appeal"

Shakes: "Oprah gives audience members free brain transplants." ... "Oprah's ratings plummet."

Mr. Furious: "Woman sees Jesus in her diaphragm - makes $100,000 on eBay."

Shakes: "Columbian druglords drop freshly rehabbed Kate Moss from advertising campaign."

Shakes: "Bush administration captures al-Qaida second in command for 97th time."

Mr. Furious: “Second in command escapes for the 96th time."

Sigh.