Von wo das zur Hölle diesem Pinguin machte, kommt?

This has to rank among my favorite news stories of all time:

A train driver caused delays on a German rail line after mistaking a giant toy penguin for a dead man in a tuxedo.

Passengers were left stranded in Neuwied after Udo Vergens pulled the emergency stop when he saw what he thought was a man lying face down and wearing a black and white tuxedo.

Officials who came to investigate found only a man-size soft toy penguin lying on the tracks.

A Neuwied police spokesman said: "We are at a loss to explain the presence of this very large penguin.

"We would think you would notice if you lost something like this."

This story has everything you could want—drama, intrigue, humor, and a happy if mysterious ending. David Lynch must immediately option the film rights and cast Udo Kier as the enigmatic owner of the stuffed penguin who embarks on a dark and disturbing sexual affair with Deutschland Rail’s Lost and Found manager, Helga.