The Catch of the Century

Travis Frey.

This piece of deranged shit, who’s currently charged with attempted kidnapping of his wife, assault, and child pornography, drew up a four-page “Contract of Wifely Expectations” that can only be described as a marriage manifesto for the criminally twisted. Apparently, his wife never signed it. I can’t imagine why she’d go AWOL, but here are a couple of passages that might give us some insight:

Since there will be no trading, negotiations, or conciliations of any kind you are given chances to earn Good Behavior Days (GBD’s). To receive GBD’s you are to be totally compliant with everything requested or expected of you, and perform everything with complete and total enthusiasm. In addition GBD’s will be given when you do things from the descriptions below when not expected. If you try to perform something not expected and I tell you no you will receive half GBD’s. Specific GBD info is listed at the bottom right of each description.

Each GBD can be used to “get out of” doing the things request [sic] or expected of you for an entire day with the following exceptions birthdays, anniversary, shaving, and sleepwear. Unless someone is staying with us or we are staying with someone, then it can be used for sleepwear also. GBD’s can be redeemed anytime after you received them to the end of the next quarter. You must notify me by 12:00pm of the day you are using a GBD or it can not be used.

“Anal intercourse not expected” earns 14 GBD’s. “Fellatio to ejaculation,” however, only gets 3. And, of course, GBD’s can be taken away…if there’s misbehavior or noncompliance.

Misbehavior is when you complain about what is requested or expected of you, or when you try to negotiate something else instead of what was requested or expected of you. If this happens you will lose 5 GBD’s per incident. It is also misbehavior when you perform half-assed…

You are to do everything that is requested or expected of you, if you do not you are considered noncompliant. You are also noncompliant if you start something and can not or will not finish, even if you state that you are in pain or something hurts. If you are noncompliant then you lose three times amount of GBD’s that would have been given. If you don’t have enough GBD’s to cover the loss, then you will be tied to the bed and I will do whatever I wish too [sic] you. This will continue every night until you are ready to be compliance [sic], at which time you will need to apologize and explain how you are ready to be my sex slave again.

Charming. There are rules about hygiene, apparel, sleeptime, photos, when negotiations are allowed, pet names, birthdays, etc.

The kidnapping and assault complaints arose after Frey invoked the tied-to-the-bed clause.

The only thing I don’t understand is why this woman stayed married to this bozo for nine years. If Mr. Shakes lost his bleeding mind and presented me with such a contract, I’d wrap it around a bazooka and shove it up his back end.

(Hat tip to Jessica at Feministing.)