Color Me Startled and Amazed

President Bush delivers remarks about energy before
a group at Johnson Controls, Inc. Monday, Feb. 20, 2006
in Milwaukee. (AP Photo/Jeff Roberson)
(How come every time I see him making that gesture, the phrase, “Heh—see, you’ve got to understand…” comes to my mind, unwanted and unbidden, immediately arousing within me the need to punch something?)

So the Dickhead in Chief is on the campaign trail again, trying to bolster the GOP’s chances for securing their majorities in the Senate and House, giving babblelicious lip service to startling and amazing energy breakthroughs like windmills.

"Our nation is on the threshold of new energy technology that I think will startle the American people," Bush said. "We're on the edge of some amazing breakthroughs — breakthroughs all aimed at enhancing our national security and our economic security and the quality of life of the folks who live here in the United States."

Later Monday, Bush visited the United Solar Ovonics Plant, which makes solar panels, in Auburn Hills, Mich., outside Detroit. "This technology right here is going to help us change the way we live in our homes," Bush told reporters.

Bush said he was impressed with the growing commercial uses of solar energy.

"Roof makers will one day be able to make a solar roof that protects you from the elements and at the same time, powers your house," Bush said. "The vision is this — that technology will become so efficient that you'll become a little power generator in your home, and if you don't use the energy you generate you'll be able to feed it back into the electricity grid."

Wow! Are you telling me that “roof makers” might someday be able to harness the power of the sun using solid matter? That’s fucking amazing! I had no idea that the roof of my childhood friend Susie’s house, which was covered by solar panels by her science teacher dad 30 years ago, wasn’t actually able to protect them from the rain and snow all these years! You’d think I would have noticed how we weren’t protected from the elements any one of the nine gazillion times I spent the night at her house, but silly old me, I never did. It’s probably because I’m a girl, and girls are bad at sciencifying and stuff.

I look forward to this spectacular future Bush speaks of. It will be fun to see if we manage to get solid solar roof panels or colonize Mars first. What an exciting race toward the future!