“Is one of us supposed to be a DOG in this scenario?”

Like they need more angst:

A new gadget repels gangs of teenagers by emitting a high-pitched noise that can be heard only by under 20s.

Police are backing the Sonic Teenager Deterrent, nicknamed the Mosquito because of its sound, reports the Daily Telegraph.

It annoys teenagers so intensely they have to clutch their ears. Eventually they can stand it no longer and have to move on.

But because the body's natural ability to detect some frequency wave bands diminishes almost entirely after 20, adults are completely immune.

The dude who invented it used his four kids as guinea pigs, tinkering with the prototype until his kids were going nuts listening to the noise, which sounds to teens like “a demented insect or a very badly-played violin,” but he and his fiancée couldn’t hear it at all. Swell dad.

In other news, four teens in Merthyr Tydfil have bludgeoned their father to death with a Sonic Teenager Deterrent.

When I was a teenager, people were always complaining about kids hanging around endlessly at fast food places and in empty parking lots so forth—but there was nothing else to do. The closest mall and movie theater were a half hour drive away. It seems like there’s always a problem, especially in small towns, with teens loitering about in awkward places, but no one ever wants to cough up the dough to provide a cool and interesting space for them to hang out.

As I’ve mentioned before, my parents’ basement became our hang-out—and the backdrop for the awesome films Mr. Furious and I used to shoot in our totally geeked-out way, such as the classics:

The Narcoleptic Zookeeper


This was, as you might predict, a film about a guy whose narcolepsy doesn’t bode well for his job as a zookeeper, as he collapses and the animals eat him. Why he was working in a zoo full of stuffed animals living on a bed, we may never know.

The Talking Anus


’Nuff said.

Mrs. Crabapple Goes Hollywood


This was a film about a grouchy old dyke who gets fed up with her lover’s “lesbian crap” and decides to go to Hollywood to become a star. She gets a starring role in the film Primo Plastic, only to be viciously killed later by a pair of gardening shears. Or a clapboard. I’m not sure which.
And as a bonus, here’s a shot of Teenage Shakes, reporting the news of Mrs. Crabapple’s untimely demise.


Foxy.

If every teen were issued a video camera and a basement full of fun junk, there’d never be a problem with loitering.

Then again, if my parents had owned a Sonic Teenager Deterrent, maybe Mr. Furious and I and the rest of the gang would have been hanging out at Burger King, too.