Go English! Rah rah rah!

Poll Shows Support for Official English at New High:

ProEnglish Executive Director K.C. McAlpin said, "Eighty-five percent of likely voters incorrectly think English already is the official language of the United States. But when informed that the United States does not have an official language, virtually the same number -- 84 percent -- agree that we should make English the official language of governmental operations."

…McApin commented, "This is a huge boost for the English Language Unity Act, H.R. 997, a bill introduced by U.S. Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) that would make English our official language and which now enjoys the bipartisan co-sponsorship of more than a third of the entire House of Representatives. If congressional leaders want to find ways to improve Congress's standing with the voters," added McAlpin, "they could do a lot worse than to pass legislation that enjoys 84 percent voter support."

Who gives a shit?! What is the fucking point of worrying about making sure America has an official language? Especially when, evidently, the vast majority of Americans don’t even know we don’t bloody have one—and half of them can barely write, read, or speak English as it is.

ProEnglish. Pfft. What nonsense. The only conceivable reason to support this legislation is to justify barking, “You’re in America now! Learn how to speak English!” at someone.

Like Mr. Shakes has heard once or twice with his wacky Scottish accent.

I swear to the fates, the day some slack-jawed moron working the drive-through at Taco Bell told Mr. Shakes he “need[s] to learn how to speak English,” I thought I was going to have to forcibly hold him down, lest he jump through the open window and throttle the guy within an inch of his very life.

The best, however (which I’m quite sure I’ve mentioned, though it bears repeating), was, after telling someone at the BMV that my husband had recently emigrated from Scotland and inquiring what he’d need to do to get a driver’s license, I was handed a copy of “Rules of the Road” and asked, “He reads English okay, right?”

WHAT LANGUAGE DO YOU THINK THEY SPEAK IN SCOTLAND?!

Forget a national language. We need a national geography lesson—and it can start with the debunking of the common misconception that America is the center of the bloody universe.