Breaking News: Karl Rove is a Lying Scumbag

“I would never lie because I know that journalists are reckless beans-spillers, not people who fiercely guard their sources—even when their sources are administration hacks who use them to promulgate propaganda—and will even go to jail to avoid giving up the goods. No, no; I definitely would never lie because everyone, especially me who has never hidden behind the protected source principle to disseminate information as part of a smear campaign, knows what rollovers journalists are. I mean, sure, the president said he had ‘no idea’ whether we’ll find out who the leaker is because journalists ‘do a very good job of protecting the leakers,’ but come on—you don’t think I believe that, do you? Surely not, no. I would never believe such a patent falsehood. I mean, you guys are acting like when the president said that, he was almost laying out our exact plan or something, and that’s just ridiculous. It’s like you think that we consider ourselves above the law. Nothing could be further, uh, from the truth. Really. Geez, is it hot in here? Anyway, like I said, I’d never lie and shit. Dude, who does a guy have to fuck to get a Krispy Kreme up in this grand jury joint?”