ARGH

Holy "Handmaid's Tale," Batman!

Want to get really freaked out? Check out the first paragraph of today's Washington Post story "Forever Pregnant," which explains that new federal guidelines issued by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention ask "all females capable of conceiving a baby to treat themselves -- and to be treated by the health care system -- as pre-pregnant, regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon."

Pause. Breathe. OK. What?

Apparently, all women "between first menstrual period and menopause" are now supposed to take supplements of folic acid, refrain from smoking, maintain a healthy weight and watch chronic conditions like asthma and diabetes. Other recommendations, mentioned lower down in the Post piece, are that women stay away from cat feces and "discuss the danger alcohol poses to a developing fetus."

All I have to say is I AM NOT A BABY INCUBATOR! I am a human being who may or may not (and very likely not) give birth to another human being someday. The healthy decisions I make, I make for me, and I can’t think of a reason with a lesser capacity to dissuade me from making unhealthy decisions than the possibility I might accidentally get pregnant someday. If and when I decide to use my body to create another life, I’ll start making decisions on behalf of that potential life. Until then, my body is mine and mine alone, and I’d really fucking appreciate it if everyone else would regard it that way as well. Fucking hell.

[M]ostly this sounds like an Orwellian language trick played by the healthcare authorities, letting you know why your health as a woman really matters.

Yes, yes it does. Screw off, CDC.

(Thanks to Shaker KA for passing this one along.)