McCain: Stop the Bullshit!

I never thought I’d say it, Shakers…but John McCain has convinced me that I would be a fool—a fool, I tell you!—not to cast aside my many, many, many doubts and rededicate my life’s purpose to making sure he becomes the next President of the United States of America. I mean, this guy’s really got the goods after all.

Three years into the Iraq War, there’s no end in sight; by many accounts, the situation there grows more dire every day. Bush dithers, and offers little more than uselessly and wrongly optimistic lipservice. The Dems don’t seem to know how to solve the problem. The war is a hopeless quagmire—and our leaders at home don’t seem to know what to do.

Enter revolutionary maverick John McCain.

In a small, mirror-paneled room guarded by a Secret Service agent and packed with some of the city’s wealthiest and most influential political donors, Mr. McCain got right to the point.

“One of the things I would do if I were President would be to sit the Shiites and the Sunnis down and say, ‘Stop the bullshit,’” said Mr. McCain.

That’s what you call undeniable genius, friends. So brilliantly simple, it’s amazing that no one has considered it before. Tell the Shiites and the Sunnis to stop the bullshit. My word; it’s astounding. The ultimate Straight Talk in all its shimmering glory.

What McCain didn’t share with his well-heeled supporters is the second part of his Straight Talkin’ a Solution to the Iraq Crisis Plan. But as you know, I have the best informants in all of the blogosphere, and one of them has gotten me a copy of McCain’s entire plan. If you thought “Phase One: Stop the Bullshit” was outstanding, wait until you get a load of “Phase Two: No, Seriously—I Mean It.”

The hat tip goes to Brendan Nyhan, who astutely notes, “So honest! So bold! What an innovative diplomatic concept! If only John McCain were president, we'd have peace in Iraq!” Amen, brother.