Your New American Idol: Taylor Hicks
Shakes: How the hell did this idiot win?
Mr. Shakes: George Bush is president. There's something very wrong with this country.
For those of you who don’t have the masochistic streak that compels you to watch this train wreck of a show, Taylor Hicks’ legions of fans called themselves the “Soul Patrol”—a moniker which annoyed me endlessly as: Taylor Hicks is to Soul as Shakespeare’s Sister is to Tall Thinness. And when he (inevitably) won, he immediately howled, “Sooooooooul Patrooooooool!” over and over as the most obnoxious shout-out ever to fans.
I, of course, developed a raging aversion to El Capitan Soul Patrol the moment he declared he chooses his songs because they have “family values.” You know, the same reason he won. Also, there’s his stage presence, which can best be described as Misfiring Neurotransmitter Chic.
But that’s the whole draw of American Idol—the train has to have a conductor driving it to its spectacular, fiery crash. So good night and good luck, Taylor Hicks. I’ll miss hating you.
Shakesville is run as a safe space. First-time commenters: Please read Shakesville's Commenting Policy and Feminism 101 Section before commenting. We also do lots of in-thread moderation, so we ask that everyone read the entirety of any thread before commenting, to ensure compliance with any in-thread moderation. Thank you.
blog comments powered by Disqus