danger! danger!

Lo, for it has been prophesized in a dream by some obscure minister: the Rose City shall FALL. We in sinful Portland will be smote! On Father's Day of this year, the Christian deity will topple our buildings, cause earthquakes to suck us into the earth, flood the great valley, and send terrorists to finish off the survivors. All because we loves us some gay people. I shit thee not:

There was a big Gay Pride Parade going on in downtown Portland when the earthquake hit and buildings came tumbling down on all of those there. Portland was in total devastation. I’m not sure just how big the earthquake was but the number of 9.2 seems significant. There was also a major earthquake off the west coast that started a tsunami. Not too long after the quake in Portland, a wall of water from the collapse of the Bonneville Dam came rushing through Portland. A little while later another wall of water from the tsunami came up the Columbia River and it also came rushing through Portland.

Salem was also totally leveled by the earthquake. The loss of life in the whole Willamette Valley was enormous. As I looked around Salem, I saw a group of men. I think that there was about twenty of them. They all had large automatic weapons. I had the feeling that they were terrorists but I’m not sure. There were a few survivors wandering around, dazed from their injuries from the earthquake. Whenever this group of men came upon anyone wandering around, they would kill them. They seemed to be looking for anyone they could kill. There was no one to come against them. Finally, after a long while, some National Guard troops came on the scene but this gang had killed a lot of people by this time and when they saw the troops, they just faded into the rubble and escaped.

Obscure Minister has decided to flee and recommends:

So how can you prepare for June 18th? On Friday, the 16th, make sure that your vehicle is fully gassed up. Make sure that you have some cash on hand. If this earthquake actually happens, your bank will probably not be accessible for at least a week. Do not rely on Credit Cards. If the devastation was as complete as I saw in my dream, there won’t be anyone around that will accept a Credit Card.

Load up at least a weeks worth of food and water and a shelter and leave.

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Ampersand, who tipped me off to this, has a much different recommendation:

Well, I for one refuse to give in to God’s terror tactics and terrorist demands. I propose that on Father’s day, June 18th, every true-blooded American should have queer sex. And lots of it.. Do it whether you like it or not - because this isn’t about sexual pleasure, this is about standing up to the terrorists! If we don’t all have queer sex on Father’s day, then the terrorists will have won!!!

AMEN, my brother, amen.

If you'd like another way to say "SMITE YOU", the Pride festival will be held on Saturday and Sunday, June 17th-18th, at Waterfront Park. Festival hours will be from Noon-11:00pm on Saturday and Noon-6:00pm on Sunday. More info available here.