Army dismisses Arabic linguist for being gay

Don’t you feel safer knowing that a decorated sergeant and highly specialized Arabic translator has been dismissed from the Army so he won’t undermine our national security with his dirty homosexual deviance? I know I do. I’m going to sleep much better tonight knowing that one of the key positions for which the military was already recruiting on Craigslist, in an attempt to address the glaring need for people just like Sergeant Bleu Copas, has been vacated to save us from this dastardly gay.

An eight-month Army investigation culminated in Copas' honorable discharge on Jan. 30 — less than four years after he enlisted, he said, out of a post-Sept. 11 sense of duty to his country.

What a sicko.

Copas is one of more than 11,000 service members who have been dismissed under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” 800 of whom had “critical abilities, including 300 with important language skills. Fifty-five were proficient in Arabic, including Copas, a graduate of the Defense Language Institute in California.” Sure, it’s cost about $370 million to discharge and replace them, which is a heck of a lot of money, but come on:

Lt. Col. James Zellmer, Copas' commanding officer in the 313th military intelligence battalion, told the AP that "the evidence clearly indicated that Sgt. Copas had engaged in homosexual acts."

Worth every penny, no?

And I’d like to commend the Army not only on its clear breach of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” to smoke out this dangerous homosexual, but also of its keen understanding of the radical gay lifestyle.

On Dec. 2, investigators formally interviewed Copas and asked if he understood the military's policy on homosexuals, if he had any close acquaintances who were gay, and if he was involved in community theater.

Community theater. Good one. That’ll get those gay hooligans every time!