Question of the Day

TBogg reports that, with CleanFlicks having gotten the brutal Hollyweird Homosexual Jew Liberal Traitor Smackdown by mean-spirited activist judges, conservatives are already whining (the shock!—get me a fainting couch) that their movie studio conservaplants start making more wingnut-friendly films.

Punkass Marc has some splendid suggestions already, my favorite being Trading Places 2006:

Dan Ackroyd and Eddie Murphy star in a swap of hilarious proportions. Rich off affirmative action, Eddie Murphy lives the life of privilege. Working WASP Ackroyd can’t catch a break in this life… until Eddie’s malt-liquor-loving uncles get bored and decide to play the old switcheroo with them. Of course, once they meet a nice, upstanding white fellow, the drunk uncles realize the money and power’s been going to all the wrong places. They decide to keep Ackroyd as their wealthy heir and let Murphy rot in hell where he belongs. Fun for the whole family!

That sounds awesome. And in true conservative fashion, boobies-wielding hussy Jamie Lee Curtis has been left out entirely.

The QotD, natch, is: What’s your plot for a conservative-friendly film?

Remember—no sex, but violence is fine. No gay or feminist references, but subjugation of women and gays is encouraged. And no brown people, unless they die in the first act or get a good comeuppance!

My submission is I.I.: The Illegal Immigrant. Directed by a less Jewy version of Steven Spielberg, I.I. is the heartwarming tale of a Mexican alien who falls off the back of a coyote truck which has ferried him illegally across the border and wanders around, scared and aimless, until he is befriended by a small white boy from a broken home. Desperate for male attention in light of his mother’s whorish determination to work outside the home, he brings I.I. home and hides him in his sister’s closet—which provides one of the most memorable scenes of the films, as Motherwhore fails to notice I.I., hidden imperceptibly among her daughter’s stuffed toys, as he is cleverly (and hilariously!) disguised with a sombrero and bottle of Dos Equis. All hell breaks loose when I.I. begins to “infect” the boy with a deep empathy for people of color from poor countries—and I.I. is swept away to a Halliburton Detention Center while the boy is sent to be reconditioned at the Grover Norquist School for Wayward Youth. The End.