Seriously, Why Bother Having Them?

No wonder they're dicking around with so much knuckleheaded legislation. Congress literally hasn't the foggiest idea about what Americans really want from them.

"But we've filled out hundreds of petitions with thousands of signatures online and sent them to Congress!" you cry.

Well, luckily for them, Congress uses a spam blocker that will prevent your petition from sullying their inboxes, you annoying little subhuman.

The First Amendment of the Constitution guarantees every citizen's right "to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

It's this passage in the Constitution that has allowed porn magnate Larry Flynt to continue sending free copies of Hustler to all members of Congress for 32 years.

Though several have gone to the courts to stop Flynt's gifts from arriving in their mailboxes, the court have always ruled that the Constitution requires members of Congress to take receipt of the glossy, hard-focus smut.

Despite this, more than 60 of our elected officials have installed a filter called "Logic Puzzle" to spare them the nuisance of receiving mass emailings sent by American citizens.

(Emp. mine) Yeah, what a nuisance. Listening to Americans... feh. It's not like that's their job or anything.

"It's hard to tell how much is accomplished by jillions of online petitions and mass e-mailings. But this has been one of the last ways that a non-VIP can communicate with his/her 'representative.' They're supposed to be REPRESENTING US, remember?," exclaimed Tom Harper of Bring It On.

Sounds like someone's got a case of the s'posedtas!

Bastards. Well, at least we can always take a hard copy of a petition directly to them, right? They'd have to accept that!

Oh, wait.

(By the way, Larry Flynt rules. Cross-post, can you hear me?)