Lordy Begordy

Awaken, base—and vote your bigotry!

Openly anxious about grass-roots disaffection from the Republican Party, conservative Christian organizers are reaching for ways to turn out voters this November, including arguing that recognizing same-sex marriage could also limit religious freedom.

Enter Shakespeare’s Sister to get all logical again. There are Christian denominations (not to mention other religions altogether) in America which perform same-sex marriage ceremonies; ergo, by this rationale, not recognizing same-sex marriage limits their religious freedom. Quite a conundrum. Especially when you bring us wacky, gay marriage-supporting atheists into the equation—and our right to be free from coerced adherence to religious doctrine. There is no legal, medical, or philosophical argument which advances a legitimate case against gay marriage; it always comes down to, in the end, “God says so,” which isn’t (or, shouldn’t be) a viable rationale in a secular country.

Anyway, movement leaders are looking for new ways to inspire the flock, with Daddy Dobson, for example, “breaking away from his traditional field of child psychology to argue that foreign terrorists are a threat to families” in order to get the Christofascists off their butts and into the voting booths.

“There is disillusionment out there with Republicans,” said James C. Dobson, founder of the conservative Christian broadcaster Focus on the Family and the most influential voice in the movement. “That worries me greatly.”

Of course it does. Hate has been such an awesome cash cow for such a very long time. Unfortunately, it’s not that conservative Christians are feeling less inclined to try to dictate the way everyone else lives their lives these days; it’s that they’re disillusioned with the return on their investment.

Christian conservatives say President Bush and Republicans in Congress have not lived up to their expectations about advancing new abortion restrictions or a proposed constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage.

Boo hoo. Still having to cope with legalized abortion by simply not getting one and cope with gay marriage still being illegal in 49 states by not going to Massachusetts and marrying someone of the same sex. What a struggle.

But lest you think life is entirely grim for the Dominionists, there’s always Reverend Jerry Falwell to lighten their loads with a laugh or two.

Ms. Clinton’s nomination, Mr. Falwell said to laughs, would arouse even more evangelical opposition than Lucifer’s.

I’ll sit back and wait for the heinous outrage that Falwell called a prominent Democrat the devil, since there was so much righteous ire over Chavez having said the same of Bush.

…*crickets*…