Oh, Great...

This is definitely not the first thing I needed to read this morning. (Bolds mine)

Bush to referee Karzai, Musharraf Dinner

WASHINGTON - President Bush jokes that he'll study the body language of Afghan President Hamid Karzai and Pakistani President Gen. Pervez Musharraf at the dinner table on Wednesday to see how far their relationship has frayed.

Well, considering that Bush is The King of Obvious Body Language, one would hope that would be easy for him. Except that, you know, he's got no control over his own, so I don't know how the hell he'd expect to be able to read the body language of any intelligent beings.

I don't know about you, but I'm getting to the point that when Bush is about to enter into a very serious global diplomatic situation, and he's joking about it like it's Thanksgiving dinner, I get really twitchy and nervous.

Karzai respectfully calls Musharraf "my friend" and "my brother," yet the two are like sibling rivals when it comes to how to deal with Islamic extremists. Over dinner, Bush will play referee.

This is what it's come down to, folks. In one of the most dangerous parts of the world, George W. Bush has become important enough (in reality and in his own fevered mind) that he's involved in just about every diplomatic situation over there. A guy that probably couldn't even pronounce Karzai and Musharraf's names if it wasn't written out phonetically by Karl Rove is going to be their friggin' "referee," whatever the hell that means.

I've always said that we, as progressives, sometimes "misunderestimate" Bush. Sure, he's an idiot, but he's not stupid. He can be crafty, manipulative, clever, and he's never at a loss for ideas on how to really fuck other people over. That said, I also believe that Bush has no idea how to handle any global situations. This is all still just a big game of war in the sandbox to him; they're all toy soldiers that he's sending to be blown up.

Afghan officials allege that Pakistan is letting Taliban militants hide out and launch attacks into Afghanistan. Pakistan bristles at such charges. Without the United States playing mediator, the relationship between the two U.S. allies would be tense at best.

"We're kind of the glue that helps cement the two of them," said Peter Brookes, a foreign policy and national security expert at the Heritage Foundation.

Oh, Christ. If that's the case, can we please send someone to negotiate that won't try a sneak shoulder massage, or suddenly blurt out a fart joke? Don't send Cletus to defuse a bomb.

The White House dinner comes at a time of rising violence in Afghanistan. This month, a suicide bomber assassinated a provincial governor, a close associate of Karzai's. On Monday, Safia Ama Jan, a women's rights advocate who ran an underground school for girls during Taliban rule, was assassinated. The killing underscored the increasingly brazen attacks by militants on government officials and schools in Afghanistan.

Another spat between the neighbors focuses on the whereabouts of Taliban chief Mullah Omar and al-Qaida's Osama bin Laden.

Karzai said Omar is "for sure" in Pakistan. Musharraf says he's in Afghanistan.

On bin Laden, Karzai says: "If I told you he was in Pakistan, President Musharraf, my friend, would be mad at me. But if I said he was in Afghanistan, that would not be true."

Bush remains hopeful. His three-way dinner party, just weeks before the November congressional elections, comes as he is working to convince voters that Republicans are best able to guide the U.S.-led war against terrorism.

Ahhh, so that's why he's really going to be there. I'm shocked and amazed... it all has to do with votes. Yeah, well, good luck with that, Dingus.

"It's in President Karzai's interest to see (Osama) bin Laden brought to justice," Bush said Tuesday. "It is in President Musharraf's interest to see bin Laden brought to justice. Our interests coincide. It will be interesting for me to watch the body language of these two leaders to determine how tense things are."

"Hoo doggie, I hope they get in a fight!" Good lord. I'll be so fucking glad when Bush is finally out of office, just so we won't hear this "I'll find this interesting" stupidity that he loves to burble at times like this. I'm amazed he didn't throw a "I'm looking forward to it" in there.

Barnett Rubin, director of studies and senior fellow at New York University's Center on International Cooperation, said he hopes Wednesday's dinner meeting will yield more than new talk of cooperation and how they're all "brothers in the war on terror."

If the three discuss real cooperation in ending Taliban command and control in Pakistan, or agree on a way to monitor border issues involving the Taliban, that would be a step forward, Rubin said. He said the three also should agree to have future trilateral meetings among themselves or their advisers.

Rubin says he'll also be watching Karzai's body language to get a clue about what happens at dinner.

"If he's mad, you'll probably be able to see it," Rubin said. "That'll mean that Musharraf is just stonewalling."

What the fuck is up with all of this body language reading? I mean, I know it's important to communication, but criminy, shouldn't everyone be more concerned with their plans and suggestions for negotiations than wondering if Karzai is going to scratch his nose in frustration at a key point? Of course you'll be able to see if he's mad, you lunatic... the point is, what are you going to do about it if he is?

Bush feels it's better to have half an ally in Pakistan in the form of Musharraf than none at all," said Husain Haqqani, director of the center for international relations at Boston University and a former adviser to several Pakistani prime ministers.

"Karzai will probably be told to tone down his rhetoric against Pakistan," he said. "But, in the end, will it really change the one-the-ground situation? I don't think so."

Great. So you're basically admitting that you're going to get together in a room, eat a cheese danish, dick around for a little while and accomplish nothing. And Bush will be in the center of everything, watchin' that there body language.

As Opus would say, if you need me, I'll be in the tub.

(Watchin' all my cross-posts... go swingin' down the drain...)