Just for SAP

Because I only exist to torment him with news and pictures of... CLOWNS! OMG!!!!11!!

Clown Running for Mayor of Almeda

ALAMEDA, Calif. (AP) -- A real clown is running for mayor of Alameda, and even his sister won't vote for him.

Seriously, they could just end the article right there. It says it all, and qualifies for the best article ever written in the history of time.

Kenneth Kahn, 41, a professional joker known as ''Kenny the Clown,'' admits he's running a long-shot campaign for City Hall's top spot. Kahn has not previously run for an elected position and has never sat on a public board.

''People ask me, 'Do we really want to elect a clown for mayor of the city?''' he said. ''I say, 'That's an excellent question.'''

Kahn's mother, Barbara, said her son doesn't have a chance, and Sylvia Kahn, a teacher, said her brother's candidacy is a ''mockery of our system.''

''I don't think it makes any sense, because, to me, running for mayor is not where you start as far as community involvement goes,'' she said.

Uh, what? What a sourpuss. And how is running for mayor not "community involvement?" Jesus, lighten up, sister.

I always liked Jello Biafra's idea when he was running for mayor of San Francisco: require that all businessmen wear clown suits. If Kahn required that, he'd have my vote in a second. Think of it, a clown mayor, and clowns running all the businesses. Finally, a realistic picture of America!

Plus, how can you not love a mayor named Kahn? Every time he did something that pissed you off, you could stand in the middle of the street, shake your fists at the sky, and scream "Kaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhnnnn!" in your best Shatner.

Oh, my goodness. I hope he moves to Chicago.

(Tip 'o the Energy Dome to Article of Faith, and to Shakes for hipping me to the story. Cross-postin' across the universe...)