Warning: Painful Irony Ahead

Well, it’s happened. My head has finally just gone and exploded.

The nation's Roman Catholic bishops said Wednesday that they are developing new guidelines for ministry to gays, reaffirming church opposition to same-gender marriage and adoption by the couples, while condemning discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.

That was certainly enough to get it spinning. The steam was already coming out of my ears as the searing irony sizzled away inside my skull. But then there was this.

The draft document encourages parishes to make gays feel welcome and provide them pastoral support, and notes that many "are ardently striving to live their faith within the Catholic community so as not to fall into the lifestyle and values of a 'gay subculture.' "

But the authors repeatedly state that any such ministries must be led by people who uphold church teaching on sexuality, and assert that Catholic leaders have a right to "deny roles of service" in the church to people who violate that teaching.

My poor wee noggin just couldn’t take it. New guidelines to condemn discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation…which affirm the right to…discriminate on the basis on sexual orientation.

Goodbye, cruel world. I go to a better place where irony is only used for the amusement of sardonic bitchez, and never, ever as a weapon of cranial destruction.