But When I Call You a Slimy Foreigner, I Mean it in a Nice Way

R.E.S.P.E.C.T., find out what it means to a bigot:

FORT WORTH, Texas -- Former Major League Baseball pitcher John Rocker is starting a campaign to encourage English-speaking Americans to start demanding respect from legal and illegal immigrants who do not speak English.

Rocker is also pushing for immigrants to respect the customs, heritage and culture of the United States.

Yes, goddamn it! I demand respect when I'm treating you like an unworthy sub-human unfit to share the space around me!

In a news release, Rocker said the "'Speak English' campaign is to encourage people to promote and support the sustainment of the American heritage and the American culture. This campaign is in no way intended to degrade or demean the cultures or heritages of others' nationalities or races, but instead to bolster American nationalism and promote pride in the American culture."

Yes, I'm not being degrading or demeaning; I'm simply saying that "American nationalism and culture" are worthy of respect, and all others are not! How could that be taken as demeaning? Now get the fuck out of my way, someone's over there speaking a different language! Hey! You! I'm too goddamned lazy to learn another language, that's why I demand that you learn mine! And respect me while you're at it!

Via Steve, who has a wonderful laundry list of the non-degrading, non-demeaning Mr. Rocker's past sensitive comments. Here's a couple:

"So many dumb asses don't know how to drive in this town," he says, Billy Joel's New York State of Mind humming softly from the radio. "They turn from the wrong lane. They go 20 miles per hour. It makes me want -- Look! Look at this idiot! I guarantee you she's a Japanese woman." A beige Toyota is jerking from lane to lane. The woman at the wheel is white. "How bad are Asian women at driving?" ...

* On ever playing for a New York team: "I would retire first. It's the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the [Number] 7 train to the ballpark, looking like you're [riding through] Beirut next to some kid with purple hair next to some queer with AIDS right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing."

Actually, I find it more depressing that "Americans" such as yourself are still thriving in this country, completely unclear on the concept of what it means to be American.

Rocker's book is due out in 2008.

Once he finishes finger painting on his cave wall.

(Crap! I forgot to thank Shakes for this post's image. Thanks! )