I Can't Stop, I Don't Know How it Works! Goodbye, Folks!

You know, even though I feel much caution about jumping on the Obama bandwagon, I do have to say that I'm simply adoring how much he's throwing the Right into a tizzy. You of course know about the "accidental" picture mixups, and the "accidental" association with child molesters, but now they're getting even more desperate.

First, we have your friend and mine, Ann Coulter, who, in racing the charge the Democrats with racism for being "stunned to find a black man who can walk and talk," failed to consider that disregarding the existence of every prominent black member of the Democratic Party isn't exactly a shining beacon of cultural awareness.

But let's leave Ann to eat Play-Doh and turn to Rush Limbaugh, who's problems with Obama seem to be a bit more, uh, personal.

LIMBAUGH: Gibson says, "Obama's dirty little secret: He's ... a cigarette smoker. ... [Q]uestion is: Would you vote for a smoker as president? John, is that kind ... of an impediment" for him?

I'm absolutely loving this new Wingnut talking point that Obama would be a lousy President because he *gasp* smokes! Oh, the humanity! I think Americans might be a little more willing to vote for a smoker than someone who, oh, I don't know, guzzles Oxycontin like Pez. Or hides prescriptions of Viagra for his own, ahem, "impediment." But hey, you've got to do something with all these strawmen handed to you on a daily basis, right?

Limbaugh continues, and here's where we see another point of contention the Right has for Obama: He'd be easier to destroy if he weren't so damn good looking!

He's saying there's something vaguely sexy about cigarettes. You've got fire in your hand. And now that's -- what he's saying is Obama can make smoking sexy. What If Obama is seen smoking in public, and it is said because no one wants to criticize him because, he's above criticism, because he's a godlike figure to the godless. Now, you don't criticize gods or godlike figures. What if the whole anti-smoking bunch has to come out, 'cause they're a bunch of libs too, has to find a way to justify Obama's coolness? Because he's got fire. If he's got fire in his hands, what has he got in his pants? You're gonna hear all of these things.

A "godlike figure to the godless?" First of all, kudos on finding a way to plug Coulter's book. Second, the only people acting as if Obama were a deity that's beyond criticism is the Right. Democrats are dazzled, to be sure, but it seems to be the Right that's acting as if he's a deity that cannot be toppled. Oh, and speaking of treating a politician as a godlike figure beyond criticism:



Ahem.

Rush does seem to be frightened about people wondering what's in Obama's pants, doesn't he? Well, at least Rush seems to be awfully interested in the contents of Obama's trousers. Let's make it simple, shall we?

Now, you don't criticize gods or godlike figures. What if the whole anti-smoking bunch has to come out, 'cause they're a bunch of libs too, has to find a way to justify Obama's coolness? Because he's got fire. If he's got fire in his hands, what has he got in his pants?

Translation:

Sweet merciful Christ, please don't let people think that Barack Obama is a virile man with a cock the size of a zeppelin. Suddenly, I feel the urge to buy a Hummer.

And Rush isn't the only one with transparently thin skin. In responding to the admittedly silly swooning over the photo showing Obama at the beach, News Busters harrumphs:

What is it with the mainstream media's disproportionate interest in the way their liberal heroes look? Last October Washington Post staff writer Shailagh Murray reported:

"By a combination of luck and design, Democrats seem to be fielding an uncommonly high number of uncommonly good-looking candidates."

Now we read of Obama's well-defined pecs as though they're of national significance.

Yes, goddamn it... why aren't we hearing more about how good Denny Hastert looks in a pair of 2(x)ist boxer briefs? Why aren't they showing photos of Tom Delay, shirtless and oiled up in the summer sun? Where's all the MSM swooning over Rick Santorum in a wet speedo? Goddamn liberal media bias! We Republicans would never stoop to commenting on a politician's looks! *cough*whitehousedog*cough*

You're gonna hear all of these things.

Apparently, only from you, thumbdick.