Ooh, Big Bad Tough Guys

The Beefeaters are all bent out of shape because a woman's going to be joining their crew at the Tower of London for the first time this year.

While chomping on sirloin, wearing funny outfits and guarding the Crown Jewels, the Yeoman Warders have proudly maintained their tradition as one of the last preserves of masculinity.

"Preserves of masculinity" = Woman-Free Zones. Because, you know, masculinity can only be defined in contradistinction to, or in a total void of, the feminine.

This year, however, an unwelcome wind of change will blow through the Tower of London after the decision to appoint the first female Beefeater in history.

…Staff at the Tower revealed yesterday that the woman's impending arrival has caused deep dissatisfaction and there are mutterings about sacrificing tradition on the altar of political correctness.

"Tradition" = Undeserved Privilege. "Political Correctness" = Equality.

One member of staff, who wished to remain unnamed for fear of losing his position, said: "It's ruffled more than few feathers. The guards aren't happy that a woman will join them. There was uproar when she was first interviewed a few months ago."

"Fear of losing his position" = Fear of being ridiculed by misogynist bullies for not being one himself.

Though Beefeaters on duty declined to comment directly on the appointment yesterday, many pointedly refused to welcome the news.

And will no doubt be absolute assholes to their new female colleague, who was chosen "because she was 'simply the best candidate'," when she arrives.

This has to be one of the most obvious examples of how absurd virulent misogyny really is. The Beefeaters fancy themselves the quintessence of toughness and strength and brawny hetero manliness. But threaten to put a woman in their midst as their equal, and all hell breaks loose. They behave like weak, petulant, intimidated wimps whose very ability to do their job is threatened by putting them in such close proximity to estrogen. Apparently, they can defend the Crown Jewels against an onslaught of marauding Picts or some shit, but can't handle a single woman.

Ooh, impressive.

(Thanks Oddjob.)