"Tranny or Fatty?"

You know how I hate Adam Carolla? Well, now I fucking hate him—the difference being: had I seen him on the street before, I would have ignored him. Now I'd kick him square in the goulies. Twice.

From a recap of his daily radio show via Transadvocate Blog:

7:53 TRANNY OR FATTY?

Today’s hypothetical question is a simple one, and it’s one that the show has actually covered before. Would heterosexual men rather sleep with a post-op transsexual, or a fat woman? Sadly, Adam has to note, the last time they talked about this, it skewed largely in favor of the transsexuals.

Having not heard the radio show in question, I can only imagine it went something like this:

Doodz, would you rather stick yer dick in a mound of fat or an inverted-cock cooze?

Ewww, sick! Can't you at least give us a dead goat's maggot-infested asshole as a third option?!

What is perhaps the most charming quality of this fun little game is that it's designed not to reinforce the perception that fat and trans women are not real women—that they are sub-human is taken for granted. It's really designed to be a fun way for straight men to insult each other no matter what their answer. If you go for the Fatty, you've got no taste, but at least you're not a fag! If you go for the Tranny, you're probably a total homo, but at least you've got standards! And any man who would voluntarily fuck a fat girl or MTF is, of course, a complete loser freak.

As appalling as it is that there are individual people in this world who have not the slightest compunction about dehumanizing fat and trans women for fun, consider how deeply fucked our culture is that this detestable swill, which has quite literally no purpose other than exploiting hatred for shits and giggles, can be broadcast with impunity, but if Carolla said the word "fuck" over the airwaves, the station would be fined thousands and thousands of dollars. By any objective measure, hate speech is exponentially more toxic than "dirty words," but while there are plenty of people who will argue that they don't want to hear "dirty words," and don't want Teh Children to hear "dirty words," there aren't nearly as many who object to piggish bullies like Carolla having a laugh at the expense of fatties and trannies. Fatties and trannies are meant to feel ashamed of themselves, after all.

Just last week, I wrote: "If you're fat, you're not only meant to be unhappy, but deeply ashamed of yourself, projecting at all times an apologetic nature, indicative of your everlasting remorse for having wrought your monstrous self upon the world. You are certainly not meant to be bold, or assertive, or confident—and should you manage to overcome the constant drumbeat of messages that you are ugly and unsexy and have earned equally society's disdain and your own self-hatred, should you forget your place and walk into the world one day with your head held high, you are to be reminded by the cow-calls and contemptuous looks of perfect strangers that you are not supposed to have self-esteem; you don't deserve it. Being publicly fat and happy is hard; being publicly, shamelessly, unshakably fat and happy is an act of both will and bravery." Trans women no doubt relate to a lot of that, too—although they have the constant added fear of being assaulted, thanks in no small part to cretinous scumbags who dehumanize them for a chuckle.

Carolla's little game is precisely the sort of thing to which I'm referring when I talk about "the constant drumbeat" of negative messages—adding his own inimitable flair that any man who loves or fucks you ought to be ashamed of himself, too. How many husbands hear shit like that and then go home to an overweight wife and berate her? How many fathers hear it and go home to an overweight daughter and tell her she'll never get a date if she looks like that, or to an effeminate son and treat him with disgust? When men's value according to other men is made contingent upon the quality of "his woman," it's the women that suffer, and sons who don't seem "manly" enough. It travels like a fucking virus—and Carolla's infectious intolerance is the vile little germ.

Finally, on a personal note: This Fatty would be remiss if I failed to note that I wouldn't fuck Adam Carolla on a dare using his own asshole as my pussy. I've yet to discern a single admirable or attractive quality in his outsized personality, and leaving aside for a moment that his grotesque interior renders moot the desirability of his exterior, I nevertheless feel obliged to observe that he is arguably a very ugly man, making his judgment of others as ironic as it is offensive.