Oh, Wingnuts—You Never Fail to Delight!

Over at WorldNetDaily, there's a breathless story about some local Chicago DJs who applied for a trademark on the phrase "It's an Obamanation!" and were turned down, because—duh—the slogan was "offensive or objectionable." Personally, I don't think trademarks should be denied on those grounds, but they are, so the DJs should never have figured on getting approval. Then again, I've heard John Howell and Cisco Cotto, and they're total flaming idiots, so wev.

Okay, but here's the zany part of this story: In the correspondence from the attorney handling the trademark application, there was a description of why it was being denied, including a dictionary definition of the word "abomination" and a "number of screenshots of websites as background material to justify her decision," one of which "absolutely stunned Cotto."

"It is a Wikipedia entry for a pretty disgusting, unorthodox sexual device," said Cotto, struggling to find a way to politely describe what he received. "I was at work, and my jaw dropped open. I literally screamed for my co-workers. They freaked out just as I did."

…Cotto says he had trouble explaining to his wife what was included in the rejection notice, and even more trouble trying to describe it on his morning radio program, aware of Federal Communications Commission regulations.

What was the "disgusting, unorthodox sexual device" that so alarmed Cotto he screamed and could barely explain to his wife what it was…?

A butt plug!

I have no idea why on earth an attorney at the Patent and Trademark Office would include a screenshot of Wikipedia's butt plug page in her correspondence with Cotto, but I suspect this woman is either a complete kook or a comedy genius.


Either way, she could not have evoked more hilarious apoplexy from the aggrieved Cotto, whose delicate sensibilities may never recover.

"I would have been fined by the FCC if I explained what the federal government sent us in e-mail. I am not risking losing my job over this. If it were a dildo, you could say 'marital aide.' This is not a device you'd find in the average bedroom."

SWOON!
But wait—here's the best part: "Despite the whole sordid affair, Cotto and WIND Radio are not letting the trademark refusal hinder their efforts to raise money for charity, as they've set up a website selling clothing, cups, buttons and stickers all emblazoned with the 'Obamanation' slogan."

Aww, bless. The Market really is the answer to every conservative problem, even the terrible tragedy of testicular recoilitis at the monstrous sight of the dastardly butt plug!