Scared Shitless

[Cripes. Phil beat me to it!]

At left is a Massachusetts Douchy, which is a cross-breed of the North American Douchehound and former governors of Massachusetts:

The white Chevy station wagon with the wood paneling was overstuffed with suitcases, supplies, and sons when Mitt Romney climbed behind the wheel to begin the annual 12-hour family trek from Boston to Ontario.

As with most ventures in his life, he had left little to chance, mapping out the route and planning each stop.

…Before beginning the drive, Mitt Romney put Seamus, the family's hulking Irish setter, in a dog carrier and attached it to the station wagon's roof rack. He'd built a windshield for the carrier, to make the ride more comfortable for the dog.

Then Romney put his boys on notice: He would be making predetermined stops for gas, and that was it.

As the oldest son, Tagg Romney commandeered the way-back of the wagon, keeping his eyes fixed out the rear window, where he glimpsed the first sign of trouble. ''Dad!'' he yelled. ''Gross!'' A brown liquid was dripping down the back window, payback from an Irish setter who'd been riding on the roof in the wind for hours.

As the rest of the boys joined in the howls of disgust, Romney coolly pulled off the highway and into a service station. There, he borrowed a hose, washed down Seamus and the car, then hopped back onto the highway. It was a tiny preview of a trait he would grow famous for in business: emotion-free crisis management.

That's some serious presidential material right there, boy. In fact, I'm pretty sure the "emotion-free crisis management" that had a dog shitting itself at 65mph is precisely the same kind of "emotion-free crisis management" that has our wounded veterans convalescing in abject squalor at Walter Reed. You know—the "emotion-free crisis management" that means you don't have to concern yourself with the details of life forms you consider to be beneath you, like dogs and soldiers. And, oh I dunno, brown people, gays, and women.

Related: Ana Marie Cox's commentary on this one (via Atrios) is priceless.