1. Write a post called "Shakespeare's Sister," using my picture, referring to me throughout, and using as dénouement a carefully selected Shakespeare quote, even though the post was written by Kathy.
2. Email me to inform me I've "been InstaPunked."
3. Get totally PWNED.
4. Don't laugh at yourself. Whatever you do, don't laugh at yourself.
5. Send me a rambling, nonsensical follow-up email about how I need to "graciously accept defeat. And don't forget to don your burkah."
6. Spend a bunch of time updating your original embarrassing post, not with a correction, but:
A) The claim that you couldn't possibly tell the difference between Kathy and me (in spite of my helpful graphic) because Kathy's picture isn't in the sidebar here at hurricane headquarters.
B) The assertion you "don't care who's at this moronic blog," despite having written a post specifically about one of our posts, animated my picture, posted every other contributor's picture (plus mine for a second time), and emailed me to make sure I was aware of your clever post; the accusation that I'm "hiding behind" my own name; and a reference to the by now clearly-identified Kathy as "some unnamed co-blogger (still unidentified)" while saying I'm throwing her under the bus simply by pointing out she's the author of the post in question.
C) The explanation that my picture is "obsolete" because "they got rid of" me. Also: Call me ugly and stupid. (Oh, the pain! The pain!)
7. Head over here and leave a rambling missive in comments, including the hilarious contention: "You labor under the misapprehension that people care what names go with what rote entries on this website. They don't," without a trace of irony that you've just spent the past day titling your post with my handle, going to the trouble of digging out a Shakespeare quote because of it, and compulsively updating your post with various excuses for why you can't read a simple byline—a rather long post, by the way, that you penned in response to one of our "rote entries" that supposedly no one cares about.
8. Most of all, at every turn, refuse to admit making a mistake, refuse to acknowledge with a chuckle "Yeah, I deserved that" considering the mocking tone of your original post, and refuse to laugh at yourself, instead desperately trying to turn the tables, even if it means resorting to calling your bespectacled foe "four-eyed," thereby establishing your maturity level somewhere around Grade 3.
This woman is smirking because
you're a complete dipshit.
Fin.
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