Reading Problems

Dear LocoPunk,

I was so pleased to get your email informing me that I'd been "InstaPunked." It was titillating to be informed "as a courtesy" that you "linked to [my] site and took issue with one of [my] posts." Hmm—what could it be?! thought I, excitedly.

I can't even begin to express how thrilled I was when I saw all the trouble you went to! Nicking my picture—and animating it to look like I was laughing—was sheer genius. My nipples are hard at the mere thought of your manipulating me in such a forceful fashion!


And spending time finding a special Shakespeare quote, just for me?! Well, that's the kind of thing that makes a girl blush.


Not to mention using my name no fewer than five times, including "The blogger who calls herself Shakespeare's Sister is a perfect case in point" and—my personal favorite—"All that's left is wondering about what's really going on inside the head of Shakespeare's Sister. Is she a flat-out dolt?" Awwwww.

So you can imagine my disappointment, LocoPunk, to find out that the post to which you were responding wasn't actually written by me at all. Sigh.

I know you're probably not the kind of person who likes to get a girl's hopes up for nothing, because that’s just cruel, and—what with sending me that email "as a courtesy" and everything—I can tell you're a nice person. So, for future reference, a post written by me looks like this:


See how it says "Posted by MelissaMcEwan"?


That's me. Melissa McEwan. Formerly known as Shakespeare's Sister.

But I guess your real crush is on Kathy, anyway. That's fine. I'm used to it. It's always Marsha Marsha Marsha Kathy Kathy Kathy! But just wait until I get my braces off! You'll see.

Love,
Melissa McEwan
aka Shakespeare's Sister