Clunk

That was the sound of my head hitting my desk after I read this load of codswallop:

Republican presidential contender Fred Thompson…in his first campaign stop in South Carolina, told a crowd of about 500 Republicans yesterday that he gained his values from "sitting around the kitchen table" with his parents and "the good Church of Christ."

Okay, first of all, I'd just like to point out, since the media certainly won't, that that doesn't have any intrinsic meaning. Everyone from Gandhi to Hitler could claim they got their values from "sitting around the kitchen table" with their parents, but that means diddlyshit unless one elucidates what, precisely, those values are. And as for "the good Church of Christ," well, same deal. What are the values of "the good Church of Christ," pray tell? Not all churches have the same values. Some churches aid and abet pedophiles; some break IRS tax exemption laws; some practice sex segregation; some kick out pregnant teens. Some churches practice institutionalized hatred of teh gayz, while some happily marry them. It's just such a load of honking bollocks to pretend that "I got my values from Ma, Pa, and Father Joe!" actually conveys anything real, other than a desire to pander to the lowest common denominator of unthinking douchebags in the whole of the electorate.

Talking to reporters later, Thompson, a former Tennessee senator, said his church attendance "varies."

"I attend church when I'm in Tennessee. I'm in McLean right now," he said referring to the Virginia suburb of Washington, D.C., where he lives. "I don't attend regularly when I'm up there."

Thompson said he usually attends church when visiting his mother in Tennessee and isn't a member of any church in the Washington area.

Ooh, that won't go over too well with the GOP base—wait, what's that now?

Thompson's churchgoing habits weren't a problem for at least one onlooker.

"As long as he was acclimated in some kind of church, involved in the church, that's very important," said Jamie Darnell, 27, of Greenville.

Of course it is. Because there are no atheists in foxholes, and no Christians in jail.