Failures

Oh my fucking God, this article by Sally Ann Voak is precious. It's a nearly perfect distillation of every dumbassed myth and stereotype about fat people, with a heapin' helpin' of woefully ignorant judgment. I kinda want to bronze it, it's so perfect. (By which I mean, it might be triggering or infuriating to some, but it's so over-the-top, it was seriously the best laff I've had since someone guessed that The Rotund is a size 12/14.)

It was really, really hard for me to pick just one favorite line, what with the fact that she says flat out there is no such thing as a happy fat person -- because it's impossible to look at a fat body and like what you see -- except, well okay, somebody like Dawn French might be able to cope better than some, but she is STILL NOT HAPPY.

Seriously. She really wrote that. (I can't wait to see how Liss responds.) As Dave Barry would say, however annoyingly, I am not making this up.

Nor am I making up the new-on-me fact that there is such a thing as a "Slimming Award," and Sally Ann Voak decides who gets them. Or that she's "stunned" when her former award-winners regain. Or that she believes more people are getting fat because it's acceptable now.

But none of that gets QOTD status. No, that honor belongs to this line, which made me snarf so hard I peed a little:

The fact that I have failed in my almost evangelical mission to slim the nation actually dawned on me one sunny afternoon three years ago in Bromley, Kent.

For real. On one sunny afternoon in Bromley, Kent, she realized for the first time that she had not, in fact, single-handedly slimmed the nation.

Poor pumpkin.

You've got to read it. I can't even do all the lunacy justice.

And if you find yourself nodding along with anything she says, we seriously need to talk.

(Thanks to reader Louise and somebody else -- one of the Kates? -- for sending me this one.)