New Species Finally Identified In Senate

(Hypocriticae asshatus)
I know this is normally Quixote's area of expertise, but I just couldn't wait to share the news that has taxonomists worldwide rejoicing like never before.

For years, there have been unconfirmed sightings of these fungi, even as recent as a few months ago. The best that scientists could determine was that these organisms would sprout in darkly lit spots to secrete enough fluids to stick to a bill and hold it from passing. The biggest challenge was trying to find these suckers. With the grounds and ability to place these unidentifiable holds, even the least controversial bills would fall prey to these parasites.

But now, there's been a breakthrough.

Thanks to the signing of bill S.1, the grounds have changed, and now the Hypocriticae Asshatus can be easily spotted within six days from time of sprout:

SEC. 512. NOTICE OF OBJECTING TO PROCEEDING.

(a) In General- The Majority and Minority Leaders of the Senate or their designees shall recognize a notice of intent of a Senator who is a member of their caucus to object to proceeding to a measure or matter only if the Senator--

(1) following the objection to a unanimous consent to proceeding to, and, or passage of, a measure or matter on their behalf, submits the notice of intent in writing to the appropriate leader or their designee; and

(2) not later than 6 session days after the submission under paragraph (1), submits for inclusion in the Congressional Record and in the applicable calendar section described in subsection (b) the following notice:

`I, Senator XXXX, intend to object to proceedings to XXXX, dated XXXX for the following reasonsXXXX.'.

And so, we've confirmed sighting of the most recent trouble maker, Senator Jim Bunning (R-KY). He is on record with objecting to HR1255, but of course we don't know why. This presidential records amendment, which has overwhelming support in the House (333 to 93), is meant to overturn Bush's ridiculous ass-covering executive order to limit access to records of ex-presidents. You can bet your bippy that once his worthless ass is out of town, he doesn't want anybody knowing what went on. That leads us to question what kind of deal is being worked out with Bunning to keep applying the brakes.

Either way, I'm particularly glad that secret holds are over and done, so that these despicable shitheads can't hide anymore while trying to pull a fast one. However, as Ellen Miller at Sunlight notes, we've quite a way to go before the crew in DC starts to feel shame at what they go through to keep secrets from everyone.