Matt Taibbi is Hip and Hilarious; Proves It by Irreverently Evoking Child Rape in Gruesome Detail

Quixote just sent the link to the first installment of privileged wanker Matt Taibbi's new 2008 presidential campaign blog for Rolling Stone. It whiffs of the desperation of a boy trying to fill the big footprints left on this path by one Hunter S. Thompson, the pong of which would have been enough to drive me away, even without the unbearable crack upside my basic decency delivered by this rather stunning passage:

A youngish kid with long hair and a red t-shirt in this crowd started telling me his story, about how he’d been busted for possession of drug paraphernalia. "It was a couple of pipes…" he began.

I waved him off and explained that, as a member of the national campaign press, I was here to write about what I wanted him to say, not what he wanted himself to say. "Look," I said, holding up a bill. "I'm willing to pay twenty bucks to the first person who’ll say whatever I want him to say about Fred Thompson."

About ten sets of hands flew up, including the kid in front of me. I held up the twenty.

"Name," I barked.

"Gary Blakeman," he said.

"Age," I said.

"Seventeen."

I wrote that down. "Gary, does Fred Thompson look like a pedophile to you?"

He looked at me pleadingly. "Yes, right?"

"Right," I said.

"Yes, he does," he answered.

"So what you’re saying, Gary," I prompted, "is that you wouldn’t be at all surprised to walk into a room and see this candidate's penis in a four year-old child?"

"Of course not!" the kid said. "Because he looks like a fucking pedophile, dude!"

"Mmm-hmm," I said. "And what kind of face would you expect him to be making at that moment?"

The kid grit his teeth and strained his neck muscles. "He'd be like, unnnnhh!" he shouted.

"Thanks," I said, handing him the twenty. He took it and walked off with his hands over his head in triumph. I looked over at the wire-service girl, who was still humping an old couple about the Hillary thing. Amateur, I thought.

Rape just keeps getting more hilarious, the more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more jokes I hear about it.