News from Shakes Manor

You know those totally ass Priceline adverts that feature William Shatner? Okay, it totally drives me berserk how he's got his own Shaft-esque '70s blaxploitation theme in which a women's chorus sing-shouts: "Price! Line! Negoshee AY! TOR!" And, often, when commercial jingles drive me berserk, I will replace the lyrics with something that conveys my feelings about them, or just something randomly stupid. Okay, usually the latter.

So last night, we're watching The Daily Show, and by "Back in Black," we're both ready to collapse, so, at the commercial break, we get up and start turning out lights and so forth before hitting the sack. But just ahead of my turning off the telly, one of those damnable adverts comes on. "Price! Line! Negoshee AY! TOR!"

I sing-shouted back out of nowhere: "Butt! Hole! Negoshee AY! TOR!"

And then the most terrible, hilarious thing happened: It got stuck in my head.

I was "Butthole Negotiator"-ing all through our getting ready for bed, which made Mr. Shakes laugh while he was trying to brush his teeth, and toothpaste was flopping out into the sink in big glops, which made us both laugh even more.

We crawled into bed, and chatted for a bit about this and that, and how my feet are either supernovas or ice cubes, but never a normal temperature, which Mr. Shakes is convinced means I'm half-lizard. Then:

Liss: Butt! Hole! Negoshee AY! TOR!

Mr. Shakes: I'm gooing tae negootiate with your boothoole in a minute if ye dinny knoock it ooff!

Liss: It needs you to negotiate with it! Talk it off the ledge! "You have so much to live for! Don't do it, butthole!"

Mr. Shakes: Lissie needs ye!

Liss: "You'll live to turd another day!"

Mr. Shakes: Dinny let the woorld get ye doon, boothoole!

Liss: Butt! Hole! Negoshee AY! TOR!

Mr. Shakes: Quiet noo, wooman—oor I'll have ye kissed.