GOP Voters Forced to Learn Secret Handshake

A couple of days ago, the Virginia Republican Party raised the bar in asshattery. In a move that reeks of desperation, they are forcing people who vote in the GOP primary to sign an oath of loyalty to the party for the upcoming presidential election:

The State Board of Elections on Monday approved a state Republican Party request to require all who apply for a GOP primary ballot first vow in writing that they'll vote for the party's presidential nominee next fall.

As Steve Benen recalls, this is not exactly an isolated incident. Funny how we only hear of Republicans embracing this kind of concept, isn't it? I'm just having a hard time reconciling the amount of time wasted by the Virginia state election board in looking this request over. They must really not have anything else to do. And then approving? ASSHATTERY. I'm almost tempted to move to Virginia for the sole purpose of signing the oath and then using it as an ass rag right before I vote against party lines, just to see what the oath police do. If there are any Shakers in Virginia, please let us know if you get oath samples in the mail with fine print that says "No Backsies!" That would be a keeper.

While it would be easy to go in another direction about how swearing fealty to the Party is quite the scary concept, I think we can have more fun with this in a Match Game kind of way:

I do solemnly swear my never ending loyalty to the Republican Party.

To that end, I agree, without hesitation, to vote for the Republican nominee in the next presidential election.

As part of this oath of loyalty, I fully understand that I am obligated to _________.
Here are some possibilities to get you started:

1. Learn the secret handshake
2. Laugh and shoot milk through my nose
3. Come to meetings dressed as Spongebob Squarepants

Have at it, Shakers!