Thanksgiving Giggle: Turn your turkey into a woman's body before carving it up!

Shaker Heather just emailed me the following: "So, I wanted to forward this to you. My aunt just forwarded it to me. What a horrific way to start a Monday morning. I can very much see something like this being done to the turkey on Thanksgiving Day in my neck of the woods, and everyone laughing in a haha, look, the turkey is wearing a bikini, isn't that cute sort of way. But I think I would have to vomit on the turkey..."

NEW TURKEY RECIPE
Your dinner will be the talk of the TOWN!!

You should try this!
Sure to bring smiles from your guests!
Here is a new way to prepare your Thanksgiving Turkey.
1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.
2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, position the foil carefully. (see attached picture for details)
3. Roast according to your own recipe and serve.
4. Watch your guests' faces...


If mine were one of the "guests' faces" looking at that revolting thing at Thanksgiving dinner, it would not be smiling, I can assure you. Although it would make for the requesting of pieces rather interesting as I politely asked for "the disembodied cunt, please" before leaving the room, the house, and possibly the planet.

In case this wasn't enough vile swill for you, the email ends with this charming little bit of rhyming fat hatred:

May your stuffing be tasty; May your turkey plump.
May your potatoes and gravy have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!
Yeah—'cuz if you're fat, no one will ever make a turkey that looks like you to carve apart in a ritualistic holiday feast! Or something.

Sigh.