Thy Rod and Thy Staff

In this, my second National Bible Week installment, I just want to assure everyone here that I was raised right.

In the course of my right-raising, and in spite of my subsequent fall from Xtian grace (by virtue of the fact that I adore someone of the same gender and want to make love with her frequently), I have still adopted a few Bible verses that I think are wonderful. So today's entry is one of my favorites: The Twenty-Third Psalm.

SALM 20 thurd -- Lolcatz Bibel (KJV translation for the lolcat-impaired)

1 Ceiling Cat iz mai sheprd (which is funni if u knowz teh joek about herdin catz LOL.) He givz me evrithin I need.

2 He letz me sleeps in teh sunni spot an haz liek nice waterz r ovar thar.

3 He makez mai soul happi an maeks sure I go teh riet wai for him. Liek thru teh cat flap insted of out teh opin windo LOL.

4 I iz in teh valli of dogz, fearin no pooch, bcz Ceiling Cat iz besied me rubbin' mah ears, an it maek me so kumfy.

5 He letz me sit at teh taebl evn when peepl who duzint liek me iz watchn. He givz me a flea baff an so much gooshy fud it runz out of mai bowl LOL.

6 Niec things an luck wil chase me evrydai an I wil liv in teh Ceiling Cats houz forevr.

(The LOLcatz version is an improvement, as far as I'm concerned -- that whole "rod and staff" thing kind of ooked me out when I was a kid.)

In response to my kick-off post for this series, a commenter mentioned my "obvious distain[sic] for the book", and couldn't "wait for a similar translation of the Koran".

Personally, I'd be all for a Lolcatz translation of the Koran -- and we could have a National Koran Week, where legislators read from the Koran on the floor of the House and Senate and have those readings entered into the Congressional Record, and the President of the United States gives an annual message from the White House on the Koran.

But that would mean . . . . you know, like . . . . . that would mean, like . . . . . we'd be living in a Theocracy? Oh . . . . .