Conservative "Humor"

Because I know you just can't get enough of this stuff.

Today's wacky right-wing email comes to you courtesy of The War on Christmas! Yes, the War on Christmas: Keeping Xenophobic Wingnuts Smug from Thanksgiving to The New Year!

An acquaintance passed this along to me. This was an email sent to the entire company from her boss. Keep that in mind. Oh, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you that the text was all in red and green, oversized, and in a font that probably half of the recipients actually have on their computers. I swear, spam email lovers that send this crap along to their entire address book suddenly realize they can change the color and size of text and just go apeshit.

To All My Democrat Friends: (you know who you are)...

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Inevitably, the email subject line was "Season's Greetings!" with a winking emoticon, because you're not supposed to take this seriously, of course! "Sorry, I just couldn't resist sending this!" chirps the sender at the end of the email, smugly believing that with this cutsey sendoff, only a humorless Democrat could possibly get offended by this harmless email! It was just so cute, I couldn't resist! Like twenty five baby pictures or "You know you're a soccer mom if" jokes that no one wants, it's irresistible!

And if you're thinking that maybe this email isn't appropriate for work, perhaps you should start considering just how much you like your job here, buster. You know who you are.