Dude, how much are we paying him to introduce shit like this?

As another shining example of our democracy at work, Rep. Steve King (R-Asswipe) has introduced resolution HR 847, titled "Recognizing the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith."

As evidence to justify my recommendation that we demand his ass be escorted out of Washington for wasting everyone's fucking time and money, we should probably take a look at the text of the bill.

Whereas Christmas, a holiday of great significance to Americans and many other cultures and nationalities, is celebrated annually by Christians throughout the United States and the world;

No, the holiday is not of great significance "to Americans," as if every single member of the population stands in awe of this day. Americans are not a monolithic group, and are not in unanimous agreement in how they regard the religious and secular aspects of the holiday. I don't particularly appreciate the suggestion that people in this country who do not share King's view of Christmas are de facto un-American.

Whereas there are approximately 225,000,000 Christians in the United States, making Christianity the religion of over three-fourths of the American population;

Whereas there are approximately 2,000,000,000 Christians throughout the world, making Christianity the largest religion in the world and the religion of about one-third of the world population;

In other words, his religion is better than your religion. And you damn well better believe that his religion is much better than that other big religion we're trying to wipe out over there so they don't wipe us out over here. For a religion that has as many followers as King claims it has, he's mighty insecure about it, don't ya think?

Whereas Christians identify themselves as those who believe in the salvation from sin offered to them through the sacrifice of their savior, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and who, out of gratitude for the gift of salvation, commit themselves to living their lives in accordance with the teachings of the Holy Bible;

This is evidence of King's nuttery, thinking that all Christians live their lives in accordance with biblical teachings. One need not look any further than his current leader for proof. Still, I don't see why this identification needs to placed in US law.

Whereas Christians and Christianity have contributed greatly to the development of western civilization;

I don't consider the Crusades or the Inquisition to be such great contributions to the development of civilization, but hey - to each his own.

Whereas the United States, being founded as a constitutional republic in the traditions of western civilization, finds much in its history that points observers back to its roots in Christianity;

War?

Whereas on December 25 of each calendar year, American Christians observe Christmas, the holiday celebrating the birth of their savior, Jesus Christ;

Whereas for Christians, Christmas is celebrated as a recognition of God's redemption, mercy, and Grace; and

Whereas many Christians and non-Christians throughout the United States and the rest of the world, celebrate Christmas as a time to serve others:

Given that the event this holiday celebrates occurred 2007 years ago and has been imprinted on our cultural psyche, why the reminder? And can someone please explain what the hell all this is doing in a House resolution? Well, you've not seen anything until you get to the actual resolution. This is where the dividing line is drawn between those who want a picture of Jesus on the country flag and those who don't:

Now, therefore be it Resolved, That the House of Representatives--

(1) recognizes the Christian faith as one of the great religions of the world;

There's that insecurity again. After all this time, King still feels that Christians need to reassert themselves as the winners of the amazing theology race.

(2) expresses continued support for Christians in the United States and worldwide;

So, does this mean that extremist groups who believe in Christianity will get funded for their activities?

(3) acknowledges the international religious and historical importance of Christmas and the Christian faith;

I acknowledge that without the inquisition, we never would've had the great song and dance number from History of the World Part 1.

(4) acknowledges and supports the role played by Christians and Christianity in the founding of the United States and in the formation of the western civilization;

And in the slaughtering, torturing, and execution of countless innocent people, all in the name of Christ. Seriously, if you're going to talk about your history as a faith, then you can't cherry pick. It's all or nothing.

(5) rejects bigotry and persecution directed against Christians, both in the United States and worldwide;

You've got to be completely kidding me. Doctor, heal thyself.

(6) expresses its deepest respect to American Christians and Christians throughout the world.

Everyone else who is not part of that Christian family can go fuck themselves and find somewhere else to live. And to think that these people in DC have the temerity to play holier-than-thou against the people who have already taken the next logical step from this resolution and have turned their countries into restrictive, misogynist, gay-hating, racist theocracies, intolerant of any religious beliefs besides their own.

And this is why Congress approval is at an all-time low, why we don't have affordable health care for the entire population, why we're years behind Europe and Asia technologically and environmentally, why nothing seems to ever get done, and why we're a fucking laughing stock in the global community. It's because the government is full of power-hungry people who do nothing more than pander and spew bullshit instead of figuring out how best to fix our country. It's not just the President, folks. It's the whole stinking lot of them.