Huckabee's Like a Good Decision-Making Machine

Because every new decision we hear about back from his days as governor of Arkansas is like an exercise in smartness. (You lucky Arkansans!)

Nothing will beat the stroke of genius that led to his early parole of serial rapist Wayne Dumond, nor his series of awesome pronouncements about Teh Gayz and Teh Womminz, but the latest round of revelations about his penchant for good decision-making are pretty good in their own right. Because if there's any characteristic you want in a leader, it's being easily bought.

1. Let My People Go:

Questions are being raised about then-Gov. Huckabee's 2004 decision to grant clemency to a repeat Driving While Intoxicated offender in Arkansas named Eugene Fields, despite the objections of a law enforcement official at the time. Documents obtained by NBC News reveal Fields' case was handled differently from any other DWI clemency or pardon granted by Huckabee, and some Republicans are now suggesting significant political contributions may have influenced the governor's decision.

In August 2001, Fields, of Van Buren, Ark., was convicted of his fourth DWI charge, a felony in the state of Arkansas, was sentenced to six years in prison and a $5,000 fine. Fields reported to prison in August of 2003.

But prison records obtained by NBC News show that six weeks into that six-year sentence, Fields' application for clemency, a commutation of his sentence the governor could issue to grant Fields an early release from prison, was unanimously supported by the parole board. Within months, Huckabee issued his intent to grant executive clemency to Fields, who was released from prison soon thereafter.

Shockingly, Fields went on to get another DWI in 2006. But the Arkansas Republican Party was $10,000 richer, thanks to Fields' wife's donations, and I think we can all agree that's the important thing. Keeping lunatic drunkards who risk the lives of innocent people is a good cause, but lining the coffers of the state GOP is an even better one.

2. Give My People Jobs:

Mike Huckabee accepted more than 90 gifts from 21 Arkansans he appointed to state posts during his decade as governor, a Politico analysis of state public records found.

Since he set his sights on the White House, those supporters, their families and their companies have kept on giving. They contributed nearly $161,000 to a pre-presidential campaign account and Huckabee's official campaign committee since late last year, according to state and federal campaign finance records.

...Huckabee's personal attorney, Kevin Crass, was designated by his campaign to respond to Politico. It's "a coincidence" that there's some overlap between the list of gift givers and appointments, said Crass, adding Huckabee "understood that you can't trade appointments for gifts and that didn't happen."

Well, that's my mind at ease then!

This guy's a total joke, even in a party of jokers, during a campaign season when their field of contenders is like a frigging clown car.

UPDATE: And here's another story out today about how Huckabee dealt (or, in fact, didn't deal) with allegations his son hung a dog while a counselor at a Boy Scout Camp. That would be the same son who got busted at the Little Rock airport with a Glock in his carry-on.