Monkeys Prove Women are Whores at Heart!

It's science, bitchez!

Selling sex is said to be humankind's oldest profession but it may have deep evolutionary roots, according to a study into our primate cousins which found that male macaques pay for intercourse.

Ooh, sounds fascinating! And what did they use as their currency? Twigs? Bananas? Doubloons? Do tell!

On average, females had sex 1.5 times per hour. But this rate jumped to 3.5 times per hour immediately after the female had been groomed by a male -- and her partner of choice was likely to be the hunky monkey that did the grooming.

Dirty whores.

Now, ladies, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that this finding of the 20-month investigation into 50 long-tailed Indonesian macaques seems to reinforce a negative stereotype we have of women being gold-digging sluts, which doesn't really seem like it would have a biological impetus, given the demonstrable relationship between cultural opportunities for women's financial and emotional independence and women's actual financial and emotional independence, i.e. when women are encouraged to be autonomous and self-sufficient, and given the opportunities to do so, they are.

You're also thinking that this finding does, however, strike you as vaguely familiar, and you're thinking about how you like to be shown some affection by your partner before you have sex, and you've never considered that it was trading affection for sex, or anything resembling prostitution.

You're probably also thinking about when your partner drifts his or her fingers lazily down the inside of your arm, or plays with your hair, or strokes your cheek, or spanks your ass so it hums with delicious heat, or touches or kisses you right there, right in that place that you love so much, it's practically an on-button, and about how that feeling is so powerful that you can actually feel the biology and chemistry and primordial history down to your very DNA, because it makes you want to fuck, from your toes to your scalp, and with every tingling bit in between.

You're thinking that makes some evolutionary sense. You're thinking that's a conclusion you can grok, baby—unlike that "selling your sex for grooming" horseshit.

And I bet you're also thinking that this is deeply offensive to men, too, in just that way which that broken record of a blogger Liss is always saying that sexist swill always is—diminishing women with loathsome assumptions about their independence and sexual agency, and diminishing men with wildly crude expectations of their capacity for love and affection. Isn't it curious, you're musing, how once again the narratives of the patriarchy pair so neatly with the conclusions of a scientific study—so neatly, in fact, that you suspect the researchers may have been rather short-sighted in their interpretation of their findings.

But what do you know? Michael Gumert of Nanyang Technological University in Singapore says it's about sexual commerce, and Ronald Noe of France's University of Strasbourg says, oh so matter-of-factly, "There is a very well-known mix of economic and mating markets in the human species itself. There are many examples of rich old men getting young attractive ladies."

And you know it must be true—because girls suck at science.

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Btw, I'd just like to share with you the page, complete with advert, with which I was greeted when I clicked through to read this article:



If you don't get why I'm sharing it, I can't explain it to you.