News from Shakes Manor

[Yesterday, while engaging in one of our favorite dorktastic pastimes—looking shit up on Metacritic, mainly to get cheap thrills from reading bad reviews of dire-looking rubbish like Meet the Spartans.]

Mr. Shakes: Oohmigood! Meet the Spartans goot a metascoore oof eight! EIGHT! "Extreme dislike oor disgoost!" [laughs hysterically]


Liss: [laughing] What was the highest score?

Mr. Shakes: Thirty-eight!

Liss: Oh my!

Mr. Shakes: The Oonion gave it a zeroo. Ha ha ha! Listen tae this: "Meet the Spartans gamely alternates between oonfoonny gay jookes and violent pratfalls foor a good 80 minutes, finding time foor noot oone, boot two musical dance noombers set tae 'I Will Survive'."

Liss: Priceless.

Mr. Shakes: I canny remember ever seeing a filum get a metascoore in the single digits befoore.

Liss: Nor can I. What was There Will Be Blood's metascore?

Mr. Shakes: Ninety-two.

Liss: Well, look at that! Add them together and they make the perfect film.

Mr. Shakes: When we were watching There Will Be Blood, I was thinking: This filum is oone "I Will Survive" dance noomber away froom perfection.

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