The Spirit Week Committee at Thomas Jefferson High School in Athens, Alabama has decided to conclude this year's Spirit Week with an event known as "80's Day." Senior Katie Kziurckey came up with the idea while she and some of her friends were watching Vh1's popular series I Love the 80's—3D!
"One joke in particular, when Hal Sparks held up a pair of leg-warmers and said 'What the heck are these, sweaters for snakes!?' set us to laughing so hard, we just knew we had to work that zany 80's culture into our Spirit Week!" said Katie, Vice President of the Spirit Week Committee, which is tasked with rousing the school spirit and patriotism of their classmates by assigning a fun yet school-appropriate theme to each day of the week.
Katie knew that this year's "Large Hat Day," "Mismatched Socks Day," and "Sunglasses Day" would be tough acts to follow, so when she and her friends stumbled upon the rerun of I Love the 80's, many chalked it up to Divine Intervention.
"When I heard Hal Sparks make that joke about those leg warmers, my eyes just kind of teared up, and I looked at my friends and mouthed, this is it. My friends and I are all devout Christians, so to have our faith confirmed in such an obvious, straightforward way made us feel like Sodomites for ever doubting His Mercy," said Katie.
Finally receiving their inspiration would prove to be the easy part, however. Upon hearing about their daughters' plans for the important finale of Spirit Week—a week long event that is usually held at the beginning of the school year, but was delayed at Thomas Jefferson High due to budget crises and a very public incident involving a School Board Official publicly coming out of the closet—some of the girls' parents began to get worried about the implications these plans could have concerning the school's dress code.
Athens native and long-time president of the Athens PTA, JoAnne Pickle, was especially vocal in her opposition to Katie & co.'s plans.
"80's Day is just another excuse to have our daughters running around the school with their shameful, disgusting unmentionables hanging out all over," said Pickle. "It all started with Halloween, all these young girls going around at night, dressed up like sexual witches and nurses, begging for candy from old homosexual men. Don't think for one second that I don't know what goes on out there."
Pickle continued: "Then it spread to St. Patrick's Day, turning a celebration of one of our Lord's most revered saints into a drunken naked hullabaloo in the streets of Chicago and other such centers of moral depravity. From there, not unlike deadly cancer, it spread to the very heart of the Christian family—Christmas. Mrs. Clause was transformed by the liberal media from a benevolent, matronly lady into a young, large breasted sex factory. Don't even get me started on the 'sexy' elf costumes I see in Christmas stores. It's appalling. "
Pickle created a petition to keep 80's Day out of the school, but was not able to get enough signatures in time to make a difference. "It's all the same to me if they rot in Hell for eternity, writhing in a lake of burning oil, their flesh cooking into slabs of black charcoal and falling off their bones, only to grow back the next day, images of their loved ones being run over by steamrollers projected onto the cavernous walls. They can all just eat shit in Hell," said Pickle.
"I don't see what the big deal is," said Katie when asked about JoAnne Pickle's zealous attempts to have her big day cancelled. "I'm as good a Christian as anybody, and I don't remember ever reading a passage in the Bible that said that I can't satirize the hilarious fashion trends of the 1980's. Now wearing pants—that's another issue entirely."
"One joke in particular, when Hal Sparks held up a pair of leg-warmers and said 'What the heck are these, sweaters for snakes!?' set us to laughing so hard, we just knew we had to work that zany 80's culture into our Spirit Week!" said Katie, Vice President of the Spirit Week Committee, which is tasked with rousing the school spirit and patriotism of their classmates by assigning a fun yet school-appropriate theme to each day of the week.
Katie knew that this year's "Large Hat Day," "Mismatched Socks Day," and "Sunglasses Day" would be tough acts to follow, so when she and her friends stumbled upon the rerun of I Love the 80's, many chalked it up to Divine Intervention.
"When I heard Hal Sparks make that joke about those leg warmers, my eyes just kind of teared up, and I looked at my friends and mouthed, this is it. My friends and I are all devout Christians, so to have our faith confirmed in such an obvious, straightforward way made us feel like Sodomites for ever doubting His Mercy," said Katie.
Finally receiving their inspiration would prove to be the easy part, however. Upon hearing about their daughters' plans for the important finale of Spirit Week—a week long event that is usually held at the beginning of the school year, but was delayed at Thomas Jefferson High due to budget crises and a very public incident involving a School Board Official publicly coming out of the closet—some of the girls' parents began to get worried about the implications these plans could have concerning the school's dress code.
Athens native and long-time president of the Athens PTA, JoAnne Pickle, was especially vocal in her opposition to Katie & co.'s plans.
"80's Day is just another excuse to have our daughters running around the school with their shameful, disgusting unmentionables hanging out all over," said Pickle. "It all started with Halloween, all these young girls going around at night, dressed up like sexual witches and nurses, begging for candy from old homosexual men. Don't think for one second that I don't know what goes on out there."
Pickle continued: "Then it spread to St. Patrick's Day, turning a celebration of one of our Lord's most revered saints into a drunken naked hullabaloo in the streets of Chicago and other such centers of moral depravity. From there, not unlike deadly cancer, it spread to the very heart of the Christian family—Christmas. Mrs. Clause was transformed by the liberal media from a benevolent, matronly lady into a young, large breasted sex factory. Don't even get me started on the 'sexy' elf costumes I see in Christmas stores. It's appalling. "
Pickle created a petition to keep 80's Day out of the school, but was not able to get enough signatures in time to make a difference. "It's all the same to me if they rot in Hell for eternity, writhing in a lake of burning oil, their flesh cooking into slabs of black charcoal and falling off their bones, only to grow back the next day, images of their loved ones being run over by steamrollers projected onto the cavernous walls. They can all just eat shit in Hell," said Pickle.
"I don't see what the big deal is," said Katie when asked about JoAnne Pickle's zealous attempts to have her big day cancelled. "I'm as good a Christian as anybody, and I don't remember ever reading a passage in the Bible that said that I can't satirize the hilarious fashion trends of the 1980's. Now wearing pants—that's another issue entirely."
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