Assvertising

Entry #3 on this now-25 part series was about commercials that exhort men to be manly by eating shit, at which time I wrote: "It's manly to eat meat—but not just any old meat; specifically the heart-stopping, artery-clogging beef served up by fast food and chain restaurants. It's girly to eat vegetables and be healthy. Trying to save men from heart disease is just another part of the radical feminist agenda to 'feminize' society."

I know it's counterintuitive, since shoving men full of shitty food ostensibly fits more neatly with feminism's "we hate men and wish they were dead" charter, but what can I say? We also enjoy humiliating men by terrorizing them with broccoli and implying with the cunning deployment of juice smoothies that they're big fags.

Ergo you dudez need to shove your faces full of processed man-glop just to spite us.

So sayeth Hungry-Man:


See? You imbibe something healthy and suddenly you're going to the bathroom in groups like women. Too much healthy food and next thing you know, you'll be voluntarily discussing your feelings and shit. Watch out, men.

And I hope you know that if you eat asparagus, your penis will fall off.

This is all true.

[H/T Jessica. Assvertising Series: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Twenty-Three, Twenty-Four.]