Presenting as Male with a Fat, Curvy Body -- Suggestions?

Yesterday, I posted a call for help from a reader over at Shapely Prose, which led to a really interesting discussion of (among many other things) the connection between body shame and feeling "unfeminine." And that led to another reader, Andy, asking for advice:

So. I have a weird problem and I was wondering if anyone could help/sympathize.

I finally figured out that I’m genderqueer a few months ago. When I’m “feeling female,” I’m okay with the way I look most of the time, after a long struggle to get here (though trying to get into being more active again). When I’m “feeling male” though… I’m a bit more of a wreck. I want to wear straight legged pants and wicked jackets and basically be one of those slender dudes that all wickedly cool dude clothes were made for. But I’m fat and carry most of my weight about my hips. Oh yeah, and that whole breasts thing.

Maybe this is outside of the scope of the original post (I apologize if it is), but people to talk to about this have been hard to find.

Andy's comment was certainly within the scope of the discussion over there theoretically, but it didn't get much of a response, either because it was buried in a really long comment thread or because not enough Shapely Prose readers have the relevant experience to offer advice. (Or both.) So I thought I'd throw it out over here. Shakers, do you have words of wisdom for Andy?

Here's what I've got. As someone who's never struggled with my gender identity, I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to feel male while stuck in a body that screams "female." But as someone who's struggled with body image for most of my life, I can definitely relate to Andy's desire to wear certain clothes and have a certain look, despite a body that won't cooperate with that vision. (Most women's clothes, let alone men's, aren't designed for someone short, fat, and curvy.) A huge part of becoming the real, grown-up me (to the extent that I have, anyway) was admitting to myself that no matter what I want to do or be, it's going to have to happen in this body.

I had to acknowledge that the things I desperately wanted but wasn't sure I'd ever find when I was younger -- a book deal, a great boyfriend, loads of good friends -- wouldn't magically make me 5'10" and willowy, to complete the ideal vision in my head. But because that was part of the vision, I obsessed about making myself thinner (conveniently ignoring that dieting wouldn't make me taller or eliminate curves that would wreck the lines of most of the clothes I coveted anyway). At 22, lonely and stuck in that phase Ira Glass brilliantly describes, where my taste was good enough for me to know my writing wasn't yet, my body seemed by far the easiest thing to change. In fact, it was the easiest thing to change -- temporarily. But I didn't really start working toward those other goals (which, unlike dieting, involved a hell of a lot of making myself vulnerable; don't suppose that had anything to do with it, nosiree) until after I accepted that whatever I accomplish in this life, whatever love I find, it's all going to happen in this stumpy, fat, perfectly fine, reasonably cute, currently able body. Once I got over the desire -- the need, it felt like -- to work on attaining a smaller body, there was nothing left to do but start putting myself out there and going after the other things I wanted. (And let me tell you, it turns out a book deal and a great boyfriend and loads of good friends are a hell of a lot more satisfying than wearing size 4 clothes that still weren't cut for my fucking body.) Feeling like I could never really be who I wanted to be in the body I had was holding me back from trying to be who I wanted to be, in far more important ways.

So. I don't know how much that applies to Andy's situation, since I'm most comfortable with a gender presentation that falls right in line with what the culture expects of me. Andy has challenges specific to genderqueerness that I've simply never had to face, which is why I'm asking for Shakers' help on this one. But I do know that, especially when you're young -- as I think Andy is, though I could be wrong -- and especially when you've been raised as a girl in this culture, it's terribly common to believe you must have a different (usually thinner) body in order to present yourself to the world in a way that matches your vision of who you really are. It's far more complicated, of course, when your vision of who you really are is sometimes male, and you've got hips and boobs for days. But if you replace "dudes" with "chicks" in this --

"I want to wear straight legged pants and wicked jackets and basically be one of those slender dudes that all wickedly cool dude clothes were made for. But I’m fat and carry most of my weight about my hips. Oh yeah, and that whole breasts thing."

-- you've pretty much got the story of my life when I was younger. There's a ton to unpack here regarding gender identity, fatness, self-image, and the gulf between who we are and who we want to be. Shakers, what have you got?